It is when I'm home alone in front of a television, rewatching a show I've seen a million times before. Pretending I don't know what is about to happen whenever the protagonist turns that corner, opens that door, and breaks that vase. Or maybe it's when I reach the bottom of another pint of Ben&Jerry's and start to think about all the calories I just consumed. All of the times I buried myself in blankets and pillows, even though it isn't cold, and it isn't helping anyone. It is feeling worse while making a desperate attempt to feel better about whatever thing I'm upset about. I do the same things over and over again trying to hide my feeling in material comfort. Hopefully one day it will measure up to the real comfort you made me feel, the real comfort you no longer provide to me.