Chapter Four

“One can’t fight with oneself, for this battle has only one loser.”

-Mario Vargas Llosa, Aunt Julia and The Scriptwriter

...

Her breath hitched in her throat. 

She looked at Leon, somehow still shocked by his words though they were mild compared to some of the others he’d spoken tonight. 

“I don’t know if I could let you,” she finally said, pure honesty shining in her eyes. “I don’t know if I could let you be by my side through this.” 

Gia knew she had to be brutally honest now, because the truth of it was that she didn’t know. She didn’t know if she could let a wonderful man like Leon be with her and live with her through this ongoing lifetime process. 

It wasn’t going away. It would never go away, and she was still trying to accept that. 

How could she force someone else to? 

It wouldn’t be an easy life to share with someone else, for either of them. He had a child to watch grow up. He had his sobriety to look after, too. 

What if she wound up driving him away before he could leave her? What if she couldn’t give him the family he wanted? 

Like he had been this whole night, Leon sensed she was dealing with troubling thoughts. He grabbed both of her hands and led her away from the edge of the water. He walked up a good distance in the sand and urged her gently to sit down with him in the sand. 

Enjoying the feel of his hands on her, despite the trying thoughts plaguing her, Gia let him and sat down, setting her flats down and bending her knees modestly. She smoothed out the imaginary wrinkles on her librarian skirt and prepared herself for his questions.

“Are you sick?” He asked. There was pain in his voice, as if the mere thought was unbearable to him. 

Considering the things he had said to her tonight, Gia believed that note in his voice. It made the muscles of her heart tighten. 

“Not in the terminally ill sense I’m not. I’m not at risk of dying anytime soon; I have the proper treatment for my issue.” 

“What’s the matter, then, Gia?” 

Feeling her chest seize with panic at the direct question, Gia folded her arms over her knees and buried her forehead into her clamming skin. 

“I can’t.” She whispered. “I’m sorry, Leon. I can’t be the type of woman that gives you everything you want. I’m not worth this effort.” 

“Please stop saying that.” He said firmly, but his voice held ounces of the softness he’d been giving her all night. “I doubt anything you say will make me change my mind about you.” 

“You’re in for a surprise, then.” 

Leon leaned closer to her, the scent of him washing over her third sense like a tidal wave. His eyes stared into hers with conviction in his dark irises. Plump lips parting at the closeness of their faces, his eyes trailed over the features of her face. 

“Want to know something?” He inquired, voice low. 

Her gaze flickered at the feel of his breath on her face. Her lips, more specifically. She couldn’t stop thoughts on how they would feel on hers. Her earlier thought resurfaced. 

Kiss me. 

“Yes,” she whispered shyly, wanting to swallow down her nerves that were quickly mixing with desire. 

She was having trouble maintaining eye contact when her eyes wanted to focus on his lips. It felt like they were coming closer, though she couldn’t be sure if she was just imagining it because that’s what she wanted to happen. 

“I don’t care.” 

Confusion overcame her desire, but only just. Enough for her to ask, “About what?” 

“The surprise. I think I want you too bad that it wouldn’t matter to me what you told me. I really like you, Gia. I want to see where this goes. I don’t want this to end after one night. I want more of you.” 

“More?” she breathed stupidly, her mind a muddle of things, all different, yet all centered around the feel of his breath on her mouth. 

“Yes, more. So badly all I keep thinking about is what you taste like. And not just here,” his thumb rubbed over her lips, parting them on instinct. 

A silent gasp passed through those parted lips. Gia knew he felt it. His eyes grew hooded and his own breath was beginning to come out shorter, almost like a pant but shallower. 

Oh, God, she thought. How does it feel so good already and he hasn’t even touched me? 

I want more. 

As much as I shouldn’t, I want more. 

“Where else?” She bravely pushed out, the words still breathless. 

“I’m not going to sound like a gentleman if I continue.” 

“That’s alright.” 

It was just them, two people who had only known each other for one night, sitting on a secluded beach and unsure about what could happen next between them. 

Gia was confused. But she was also undoubtedly aroused beyond she knew she could ever be. 

She wanted to hear the dirty words. They would do anything but make her feel dirty, she knew. 

“I want to lay you down and put my mouth on you. I want to taste the space between your thighs and spread you for me. I would make sure you felt me all over, because you have barely touched me and I can feel you all over, especially in the center of me. From the moment I saw you this morning, it’s all I’ve been able to think about. I want to take my tongue...” his breath caught and his voice thickened with the desire he was clearly feeling. “And drag it down, over the three little moles on your neck, down, over the slopes of your breasts, down, lower, until I’m nestled between your thighs, and making you tremble. Repeatedly.” 

“Leon,” Gia gasped. Said thighs were already trembling. She felt the wetness gathering. More importantly, she kept feeling wanted. 

That feeling, after being bereft of it for so long, was intoxicating. It felt liberating to have a man want her to this degree. Gia, a woman who had trouble feeling confident in general, was wanting everything he said so desperately-and more- that she almost climbed into his lap and begged for it. 

She’d never begged for a man before. And she never thought she would, until in this moment with a man who was proving to be more and more wonderful.

“Gia. I want to kiss you. May I?” That Southern twang pulverized her final thread of control. She barely got out her nod of consent before his lips were on hers. 

It wasn’t rough or demanding like she had been expecting. No, it was soft and reverent, his lips feeling like they were savoring the feel and taste of her own. 

This kiss was better than any expectations she may have had. His lips were exactly as she thought they would be; soft, supple, and perfect. 

So perfect. 

Leon gently parted Gia’s lips with his tongue and dipped inside. The electricity that conducted between them was heady. 

Gia moaned, body trembling. 

He led the kiss but gave her room to breathe. He didn’t suffocate her with forceful strokes, instead choosing to worship her mouth gently, tongue massaging with hers like a smooth caressing wave. He was the ocean and she was the sand. They were meeting at one point, each retreat taking some of the other with it. 

God, it felt good. 

Slowly, their slow taking increased to an urgent exploration. 

Both of them unveiled the urgency they could no longer keep confined inside of them. 

His hands held the back of her head to him, tilted how he wanted, as he drank from her mouth insistently. Her own hands went to his and brushed through the cleanly cut tuft of curls there. 

“I knew you would taste better than I imagined,” He croaked into her mouth, groaning when she pulled her teeth gently over his tongue. “Fuck.” 

“That’s the first time I’ve heard you curse,” she whimpered. 

She didn’t want to pull away. 

One taste and she felt addicted. 

She didn’t want to stop. 

“I have a dirty mouth in the bedroom. I hope that’s okay?” 

“Oh it’s perfect.” She whimpered again and repeated the word. “Perfect. Yes, Leon.” 

...

“Are you ready to go home yet?” He asked her as he pulled his lips away, his breath heavy, tone laced with yearning. He pressed both against the side of her mouth and pecked softly over her jawline until he made it back to her lips, where he ravished her again.

“I don’t want to leave,” Gia admitted when they broke apart for air again. 

Leon was silent a moment before his kiss swollen lips parted and he asked, “Would it be too much if I said I wanted to see where you live?” 

Her heart still pounding with fire, Gia licked her lips and tasted him on them. She considered his words thoughtfully, wondering about the implications of them and where they could lead her. 

She wasn’t sure if he was implying what she was thinking, but how could she think of anything else when he had just lit her on fire and drowned her at the same time? 

Either way, her body was in the driver’s seat, her mind a blank slate save for one thing, and that was the deepest primal urge humans had.

Gia knew that Leon felt all the things he told her this evening. She knew that he had to be feeling the same way she was, and even though she was still in shock that he wanted her this way, she wanted to take advantage of all the things he was making her feel. 

But at what cost? 

“It’s not too much,” she assured him. “But it may not be possible, Leon. We only just met tonight. What does that say about me? About you?” 

“I think it says that I’m enamoured by you. I won’t force you into anything, Gia. If all you’ll give me is a chance to drive you home and glance at where you lay your head at night, I will take it, no complaints. I just want more of a glimpse into your life, if you’ll let me.” 

“I can’t believe this is happening,” she whispered, more to herself. 

Why, why me? she wanted to ask. The words caught in her throat. She hated that she felt this insecure. 

“I want you to believe me, Gia. I really do. Will you let me convince you? Will you trust me?” 

Trust was very rare to find. At least, that was what life taught her. After everything that had happened to her this past year, it was difficult for her to articulate trust into anyone. Leon was showing her that she could trust him. He was being the perfect man, someone she never thought she would find. 

Had she found her someone?

She was arguing with herself, but at this point it all seemed to be for naught. 

She made a quick decision. All of this questioning was making her head hurt. It couldn’t be helped, all things considered, but for the moment, she was letting the fire that still fed the desire inside of her rule over. 

“Yes, I’ll trust you, Leon.” 

“I will do anything not to make you regret this.” He said and pulled her close again. 

This was another soft kiss. It didn’t deepen, but it was still explosive in feeling. He pressed into her again and again, until she was malleable to his will. 

“Let me take you home,” Leon urged into her mouth. “Please.” 

Gia parted from him to answer. “Yeah.” 

Leon stood and reached for her hand. He helped her up and they began to trek back to the deck they walked down. 

They let the water rush over their feet once more and spoke of how much they loved the ocean. Gia listened, fascinated by the stories he told about him and his son on the water. Gia found that she loved these stories. She wanted to hear them all. She hadn’t met Tyler, but she wanted to. 

Maybe they were moving too fast. Gia felt they may just be that couple that didn’t do slow. They had just met and he was already taking her home. As it was, things were in her hands. 

What would happen when they finally made it to her house? 

Was it possible that she was already referring to them as a couple in her mind? How, with all of this confliction inside of her? 

“Shut your mind off for a moment. When you’re ready you can tell me.” 

“What if I’m never ready?” Gia voiced her thoughts. 

“I have faith that you will be.” 

The sounds of the waves washed back over her. She closed her eyes. “How do you know?” 

“Call it a feeling I have. I have a feeling that you’re going to change my life. For the better. I know how it sounds, but it’s the truth.” 

They fell back into silence. For the rest of the walk, nothing was spoken between them. Instead, they enjoyed each other’s company and the walk back to the restaurant. 

Leon led her to the parking lot. “Which car is yours?” 

Cheeks flamed, Gia pointed to the old silver Prius across the lot. The orange light of the street lamp casted an unflattering glare on the chipped paint she hadn’t gotten around to tuning. 

“She’s my first car,” Gia admitted. “I’ve had many opportunities to get a newer, better one, but I never could. I know it’s weird, but she’s important to me.” 

Leon gazed at the car in thought. The expression on his face wasn’t one of judgement. “What’s her name?” He asked. 

A small grin spread on his still kiss swollen lips. 

“What?” 

“Oh, I know you have one. What is it?” 

“Verity.” Her cheeks flamed harder. 

Leon’s expression morphed with his curiosity. “What made you pick that name?” 

“I didn’t,” she confessed. “My sister did. I told her if she finished her chores and helped me with dinner that she could. That’s what she came up with. She didn’t look like this when I first got her.” Gia ran her hands over the hood, now cold from over two hours of unuse. 

“I like it.” 

“What about yours? Which one is yours?” 

Leon pointed to a car a few spots over from hers. It was an older model of a black ford pick up truck. It was probably older than Gia’s car. It wasn’t unkempt like hers was-on the outside, at least-but the body of the truck gave way to its age. 

“How old is she?” She wondered.  

“She’s been around since 1979.” 

“How long have you had her?” 

“Around nine years. She was my grandfather’s truck. My grandma gave her to me when he died.” 

“That was generous of her. I’m guessing he loved her?” 

“Oh, yes. Very much. He spent a lot of my childhood under her hood. He always kept her in top shape. I’ve tried honoring him by doing the same. She hasn’t failed me so far.” 

“And what’s her name?” 

“Risa. I kept it the same for my grandpa. It didn’t feel right changing it.” 

“I respect that you’ve done that. I’m sure wherever he is, he appreciates that.” 

Leon came closer to her suddenly, making her gasp and brace herself against Verity. 

“Thank you,” he whispered. “That was a sweet thing to say.” 

“I meant it.” Gia whispered back, her soft tone honest. 

His hand came up to her cheek and cupped, thumb rubbing along the skin of her jaw tenderly. He didn’t cease the strokes for what felt like forever, but Gia wasn’t complaining. 

Quite the opposite, really. 

Her eyes closed in pleasure and she couldn’t stop herself from leaning further into him. It was helpless, the way she reacted to him. It was foreign and completely welcome in this moment. 

She wanted him to keep touching her. 

Distant laughter and voices caused her to realize where they were. In an orange lighted parking lot, a line up of bustling eating establishments and tattoo shops nearby. 

She opened her eyes and looked up at him. As she expected, he was already watching her. 

His nose touched hers. “Ready to go?” 

Gia had to rub the tips of their noses together. It was an impulse she couldn’t check, but Leon didn’t discourage her movements. Instead he reciprocated, his white teeth gleaming in the light. 

“I guess you’ll follow me? I can’t really leave my car here.” She said, realizing immediately how that sounded. “Not that you were suggesting that, or anything...” 

He laughed. “I know, Gia. I’ll follow you. And are you still alright with this? If this is too much I can say goodnight right here. I’ll admit that it’s the last thing I want. I just want to see more of you.” 

Gia’s heart felt lighter from his words, yet tighter at the same time. 

So sweet, so polite. 

“This is still what I want. I...” Fear mingled with the words she wanted to say. She couldn’t continue, though a strong part of her wanted to.

“I’m still patient,” he reassured her. “As long as when you do tell me, it’s the truth.” 

“I will give you nothing less, Leon. I promise.” 

“Want to know something? I really do believe that.” 

“You do?” 

“Yes. I believe you, Gia. That’s not something I say lightly.” 

“Thank you.” 

“No. Thank you. For giving me that feeling. For this whole night, actually. I love that it isn’t ending yet.” 

“Me too.” 

And he kissed her again. 

For that, Gia guessed. 

Because she wasn’t lying.