the worse place i have ever lived

the worst place i ever lived, i can not help but revisit

it is hard to get away from our old haunts

no matter how miserable isn’t it?

each time i show back up, everything is different

the rooms are uncomfortable

and when there, i never feel quite with it

i hate when i find myself in that awful place

the way it feels, the grief the loss, the blankness

in every familiar and yet unfamiliar face

the idea of being there brings me such anxiety

i hate it

especially the time

it seems to be an hour a second-

in that place in my mind

most times, someone invites me there

unknowingly and on purpose

i hate the way the foundation feels

and the texture of every surface

i could be so happy

if i never had to visit

what is the key to just moving far away

to go as far away as possible- is that it?

there is just one small space

that feels comfortable in those Halls,

a tiny area, all my own

in that awful, draining place

i don’t want to feel this way

about where i should be at least somewhat safe

but no one there remembers me

even less when I beg to be seen in haste

it is my childhood, my adolescence, and adulthood

once for a short time it was not all bad-

there used to be so much good

my past, present.... and future

now i realize

where i fall everytime i stop feeling

present, wanted, safe, or alive

it’s in that place now,

the only time i wish i could be dead

the place i hate to be the most-

my own rotting head