Obviously, the best way to do this is to start from the beginning. I've been here like two years and have less than 100 posts. I'm gonna try to not make a commentary on every single piece.
I'm not a huge fan of my first post, but it's okay.
My second one though, I haven't read it in a looong time. It made me cry and feel angry as I'm stting here and remembering how dark the world really is. It ends in a reminder of hope, though.
The post where I talk about my ex. I don't even feel angry, I just feel sad reading that one, too, reminded of how he's a human being and he's been through some tough stuff I don't understand and definitely was not sympathetic about it. I want to be a more compassionate person.
I think I'd edit "Step":
I want
To take
That step
Of faith.
To be content:
If I fall,
If I fly,
If I land on solid ground,
I’ll know
It was worth
Taking that first step,
After all.
Content with whatever happens because God is sovereign over that step of faith.
Those rocks were supposed to represent things holding me back from surrender/submission to God.
Then Covid stuff started and some negative posts. I'll admit I only skimmed them.
I'm reminded why I hate that I struggle with complacency and fear of man. It's just not loving to self-preserve.
You know, I don't get the constant pent up feeling as often as I used to, or it takes longer to get to that point. I'm not sure.
In very sad news, I no longer work with my crush which means I have like 0 crushes, except still trying to get over him. Also brown eyes are like my favorite now which is so weird because most of my life I preferred blue or green eyes because I have blue/green eyes and I wanted my future kids to have blue/green eyes but now it's not like that.
It's been about a year since I saw the stranger who gave me the compliments, and I wonder how he is and sometimes I pray for him when I think about him. I hope he's doing better than he was when I saw him.
I don't think marriage is as ruined for me anymore. As long as me and my future husband (if I get one) are willing to do what we can to reconcile after we fight or disagree or whatever, then things will be fine. Humility is necessary.
" (because corrupt governments should be overthrown but self control you know... but if my FBI agent is looking this is just fiction and I literally don’t know how to overthrow the government) " Sometimes you just wanna overthrow the government. Sometimes you just wanna hold all of them accountable and try to find a way to make them care about the people instead of sticking their hands in big pharma's pockets so healthcare is expensive and cheap food is often crap bc politicians. But I also need to not judge because I'm not perfect and what am I doing to help?
A loooot of negative posts, which is kinda why I don't like reading back on my old posts, but deleting stuff is not my favorite thing to do. I like to be able to go back and cringe and whatnot and see where I was and where I am now.
Oh yeah the posts where my grandma passed away. :( I miss her.
A lot of posts. Some that are funny and me being silly or posting about stuff that isn't super important. Scramped Eggies is still a masterpiece to this day. I see I posted a lot of stuff as a way to vent. I'm tired it's like 2am, so I don't have anything else to say.