AT 50
At 50 I’ve done nothing remarkable, or noteworthy.
Military service was my
High point, completed
By age 28.
4 kids
1 son going on 26
1 daughter going on 20
Floated in life for almost 20
Years.
Mingled with drug addiction
Married once for 11 months
Really not remarkable
If I finish my race now in this moment.
I will have made no impact
Not even a ripple in the sea
Of life.
Still don’t have a clue about
My purpose.
Feeling worthless, and a failure.
No one knows about my feelings of ending things. (Just thought for now)
Once a great warrior, trained to kill and save in one mission,
Now just a broken body, and mind.
I reflect a lot, but it just pulls me deeper into disparity.
Don’t even know if the one i truly
Love, even really Love’s me back.
Sometimes the love abounds,
But in the same breath she tells me I don’t love her, and she thinks I’m mad at her, all the time.
Can I net get anything right,
Not just one thing?
That brings me back to my thoughts of “Why am I here”
“What is my purpose here?”
Still can’t figure it out.
Maybe next lifetime I will do better.
CRIMEZONE