Herman the hungry bear...
*while this post comes off a bit childish, I definitely write a fair amount of not so happy stuff so I thought it would be fun to just write something fun and silly about a bear in Yosemite looking for food. very random ;)*
The sun beat down on Herman’s shaggy back, penetrating the thick wall of fur he had for protection and baking his massive body. He rolled over onto his paws and lumbered through the meadow towards a stand of trees, hoping desperately for shade. As he sunk into the soft grass, enjoying the marginally cooler temperature, he noticed the long line of cars parked on the road, not twenty yards away. Herman remembered what his grandpa used to tell him,
“When the line of cars gets longer than you can see, you know what time it is…”
“Summer!” Herman would reply, to which his grandpa would smile.
“Yes, but also-”
“Snack time!” Herman growled to himself, excitement flooding through his veins. He shuffled towards the cars, watching to see which one might contain the best food. Trudging through the dirt just along the road, he plodded over to an SUV with tinted windows and snuffled up against the glass. Bug spray and a pair of sunglasses? He though incredulously as he scanned the trunk. Fools. Who doesn’t bring bug spray hiking in Yosemite? They’ll get eaten alive. Serves them right for not leaving food in their car, he thought savagely, already plodding towards the next vehicle along the road, a red Toyota. Herman peered through the window and sighed. The only thing in the trunk was a large, cylindrical container and an unrolled sleeping bag. In the container was more kinds of protein bars than he could count, as well as trail mixes and energy gels, but the sticker reading BEAR PROOF CANISTER told him he’d do better to keep moving. Stomach rumbling, Herman proceeded to a beaten silver Acura with dust coating every available inch of the car. Back from some off-roading, he noted gleefully. Maybe they brought a picnic and saved ME some leftovers! Looking through the windows, he chuckled to himself.
“A packing blanket?!” He growled in shocked delight. They really think a 20 dollar packing blanket from Costco over their cooler and snack bag can stop me? I’m not blind, you know. With a sense of satisfaction at finally securing a true meal, Herman backed up a few feet, then a few more for good measure, and catapulted himself at the car with all the force he could muster.
THWACK. He collided with the trunk door and his snout glanced off the window.
“Ow ow ow ow ow,” he howled, rolling onto his back. As he looked up, he noticed he had attracted an audience of picture-snapping tourists. Herman sighed dejectedly. After such a blow to his pride and common sense, he decided there were better options for food. I guess it’s back to salmon, he thought despondently. I’m so sick of salmon. Does nobody realize bears like some variety too? Giving a violent shake of all his shaggy hair, Herman collected himself and trundled off down the road, concluding that while human’s creativity and innovation lacked in concealing food from bears, they made up for it in window technology skills. Although maybe I made at least a good dent or two in the bumper, he wondered to himself. Greatly cheered up by this thought, Herman continued back onto the meadow, growling happily at nobody in particular. Who knows, maybe I can actually catch a marmot today. Miracles do happen.