“happy, for the most part”
i answer automatically
without a moments thought
but within the lines of your smile lies unspoken concern
barely visible yet persistent
the wind puts its wispy fingers through your hair
momentarily exposing the scar from when you fell off the swings as a child
i close my eyes for a brief moment
allowing myself to revel in your presence
in through my nose out through my mouth
i find you put my mind into a state of tranquility that will come to pass much too soon
far too soon
i pull at the hair that is for some reason attached to my scalp,
tracing the scar on my forehead from when i fell over drunk at nineteen
and my mind reawakens
suddenly it’s far too loud and i realize all at once how undeserving i am of the grace and affection you offer me
i close my eyes for a brief moment
willing the tears not to come
and i don’t dare look at you now for fear you will see what’s behind my eyes
unhidden and persistent
your voice breaks through the veil that is the labyrinth of my thoughts
but it’s dull and muffled and sounds nothing like you at all really
my throat threatens to split in half as you ask me if i’m okay
and as i gasp for air to fill my starving lungs
i choke out an answer automatically
without a moments thought
“happy, for the most part”