My Turn Now

Standing high atop Eagle Rock Peak, looking below, I could see as well hear the white-crested waves attack the jagged, piercing rocks below. Eagle Rock Peak stands at the southern-most point of Puget Sound outside Seattle.

Legend has it that eagles, for hundreds of years would soar into the ocean to retrieve their food. About two-hundred years ago, the Indians took it upon themselves to do the same. The difference being was to please, Manitoba, their spiritual God, and provider of all things.

Each year, a young male from the tribe would dive into the depths below. If he returned to the surface unharmed, then Manitoba would be pleased with the young brave’s courage. It was also believed if Manitoba gave life back to whoever dived into the swirling masses; then the tribe’s crops, their families, and the entire village would continue to prosper as the four seasons came and disappeared.

And now, here I stand.

The ocean’s echo from below rose up at me, rising from the thousand-foot drop, making me realize the ocean’s true power, where the mighty Pacific swelled with a compelling power found nowhere else in the world.

Whoosh, swish; sounding more like a question: which wish? The waves rushed upward and onto, and for brief seconds, drowning the rocks below; commanding, demanding respect.

Kneeling, with my right hand, I picked up a flat stone. I remember as a kid tossing these across the lake back in North Carolina. Seems like a hundred years ago now. I used to go fishing on the Black River, which was surrounded by trees on both sides for miles, and they created a blackness on the lake even on the brightest of days. The rocks my friends and I called them skimmers. When you fling one across the river, it would skip across the water if you hit it at the right angle and would go whap, whap, whap like a rubber ball; bouncing to the other side hitting the muddy bank and sometimes you could hear it settle in with a dull thud.

Looking at the skimmer in my hand, rolling it over in my palm, I stood and let it rip out into the blue-black ocean. The “Sound” sucked it under as it continued to pound relentlessly against the rocks below. No thud could be heard this time.

I sat on the hard-flat surface, feeling the heat Eagle Rock contained from the near noonday sun. My hands, left over right, settled on my knees, and I gazed out to where the light from the sun gave the water below the appearance of cracked and broken glass.

Today is my day. Today I fly from Eagle Rock into the maddening depths below.

I have dreamed of this day for over a year. For the last ten years I have lived here, someone has always dived from this cliff for the challenge. Eagle Rock had become as famous as the cliff-divers in Acapulco, that is, until last year.

A man died.

He was a high-diving board swimmer, and a hot-shot out of Miami. On this day last year, over seven-thousand people came to watch. It had been the largest crowd ever with vendors selling their hot dogs and beer, other people selling T-shirts that read: I GO DOWN. DOWN FIRST … UP IN A MINUTE. General stuff like that as well as bits and pieces of Eagle Rock rocks as a souvenir, and a booklet on Eagle rock’s history.

Everyone applauded his courage as he approached the edge, and with that came the silence when he pushed off, almost like Superman. Instead of up, up, and away, it was out, out, and down. Less than three seconds later, a gust of wind came from nowhere sending him a few degrees off course. He smashed into the pitchforked rocks below.

People screamed. They yelled. They cried. The police cleared the area. Within a few hours the place was deserted. I had two thoughts when I saw his body twisted and mangled on the rocks below. Manitoba wasn’t pleased, and he wouldn’t have to worry about his crops, if he would have had any.

After that unfortunate incident, a barricade was placed around eagle Rock Peak. Within a month, an ordinance was put in effect and posted to prevent anymore accidental deaths.

Eagle Rock was placed OFF LIMITS. FAILURE TO COMPLY WILL RESULT IN A FINE NOT TO ACCEED $500, AND SIX MONTHS IN THE COUNTY JAIL.

Unlike last year, and the years before that, there would be no parties, no large crowds or vendors plying their wares this day. No music for the hero, no witness to my lonely challenge. I’ve always been a bit of the loner, anyway, so not having an audience around would make this even easier for me to do.

Standing slowly, shaking out the kinks and stiffness in my body, I first removed my shoes and socks. I’m almost sorry for that as I scamper around barefooted on the hot flat rock. I started sweating from the sun’s heat bearing down on me as well as my nerves which were on edge.

Looking at my watch; 11:56.

Pulling off my T-shirt and stripping away my jeans, I can feel the heat lash out at my near nakedness. It has to be ninety-plus today.

Except for my shirts and watch, there is nothing left to remove. Looking outward and below once again; my insides quiver as I realize the onslaught I will take when once I slice through the querulous water waiting for me. The rocks, capsized by the resounding whoosh, swish. Which wish? Do I really want to do this? Damn straight I do!

Less than a minute.

Standing on the edge, I flex and shake the muscles in my body. I roll and shake my neck, loosen myself up for my moment of personal glory.

Ten seconds.

Tearing my watch from my wrist, I tossed it onto my pile of clothing. Inhaling, exhaling slowly, I feel my spine tingle in anticipation.

Raising my hands over my head, I ask God to give me strength and to watch over me as I push out. Out. Out.

The descent seemed to take forever. The rocks below seemed to rush up at me with a blinding speed and deadly accuracy. The rock wall behind me was nothing more than a blur. The crashing waves beat at my ears, but not nearly as loud as the pounding in my chest. My heart felt like it might explode at any second, leaving a gaping hole in my chest for all to see.

Anything else left to see became a blur, a maze of nothingness as if all the colors of the universe became unified. I was a man possessed and exhilarated. I felt free!

Like the skimmer I threw as a young boy, my body made impact with the ocean’s ceiling with a dull thump, but to me it was a hard and penetrating shockwave that went through my entire being. Rapidly, faster than quicksand, I was sucked under. I felt pulled under by unseen hands that had been waiting for me and dragged forcefully to the bottom.

Regaining control of my surroundings, I registered where I was and began to regain command of my situation. I was living a new and exciting high. I realized I had done it. I had survived the dive!

Above me, the roar of the ocean’s ceiling is nothing more than a muffled murmur.

Looking up, I could only see darkness. I had to get my arms and legs to move properly so I could steadily swim back to the surface before my lungs gave out.

I could feel the pressure. So tight, as if I’m in a glass coffin. My lungs felt on fire. So hard to imagine how others survived this. I know I must. I have to.

Have to push my body harder. Each upward stroke of my arms, each downward kick of my legs becomes heavier and I feel like I’m moving so slowly. I can feel air escaping from my mouth and nose. Tiny bubbles dissolve on contact with the water. I have to hurry, or I think I will do the same. I have to stay in control!

I’m getting closer to the top.

I’m beginning to get flashes of my grade school where I had my first fight when I was nine. Of mom and dad, and how they died in a car accident when I was fourteen. I flashed to the years when I was in Vietnam, and all the years of agony and fears I had suffered. I flashed through all of my old girlfriends, and my present one.

Lydia and I have a date later this afternoon and I don’t want to be late. We’ve been dating almost a year and after all the other women, Lydia’s the one for me. We’re getting married next month. If she knew I did this, she would kill me.

Damn! Losing more air! Burns. Chest burns really bad.

I can see a glimmer of light where the sun must be sparkling brightly; a sign telling me I’ll be breaking the surface soon. Each stroke becomes a labor of excited anguish.

I can’t quit. Too close! Almost there!

There! There it is! I made it!

Breaking free of the darkness of the ocean’s power, I lunge up and break free of the depths finally; gasping, sucking, and swallowing lost air. Treading water, still gasping, but I’m taking in longer, slower, and deeper breaths and can feel my pulse begin to settle down and my heart beats not as fast as before.

I started laughing!

I did it!

&&&&&&&&&&

“Eddie? Help me pull the man in!”

“Who do you think he is, dad?”

Where did you people come from? I didn’t see any boat around.

“No idea, son. He’s bloated up pretty bad though.”

What’s going on? What do you mean, bloated? Why won’t you answer me?

“Grab that loose tarp over there and cover him up. I’m going below and radio the Coast Guard, and tell’em what we found out here.”

“Okay, Dad.”

Hey! No! Mister, that isn’t okay! These people are going to turn me over to the cops! Hey, come on will you, give me a break. I’ll get busted for jumping off Eagle Rock for crying out loud! Just let me go back and get my clothes and everything will be okay.

Eddie looked at his father when he came back topside. “What did they say, Dad?”

“They said they’d be out here in twenty minutes or so.”

“Dad, do you think he might have jumped off,” pointing toward Eagle Rock peak, “from over there?”

“Probably. There aren’t any other boats around here I can see. Why he would have taken a chance like that is beyond me. Such a waste if you ask me.”

“You would think after last year’s accident, he wouldn’t want to risk his life jumping off that killer cliff.”

“True enough, Eddie. I’d say from the looks of him, he’s been floating dead, two, maybe three hours. It’s lucky we spotted him when we did. No telling where he might have ended up. The way these waters move sometimes, he could have been carried out another four or five miles and been lost for good.”

Dead! You are out of your mind! I’m not dead! Listen to me, dammit! Hey! Old man! Hey, kid! Quit ignoring me and listen to me! I. Am. Not. Dead!

“I thought I told you to cover him up.”

“I did. The tarp must have slipped back down.”

“I can’t stand to look at his face any longer. Here, I’ll help you this time and this time we’ll tie the tarp around his body.”

They’re pulling the tarp over my body again, tighter than the last time. I thought they were covering me to keep me warm. They think I’m dead!

I’m not dead!

I can see them. Hear them. I can’t be dead. I just can’t be!

As the Coast Guard approached, the ocean waves lapped against both vessels with its never-ending, ever-questioning lament.

Whoosh, swish. Whoosh, swish.

Which wish?

Obviously, no one’s today.