untitled apathy poem
i am a swimming pool cool and empty.
i am eternal summer reeking of skinned knees and heartbreak.
the skateboarders sing their drug-addled dreams into my mouth.
now listen to my hollow smoke song.
the way i harmonize with the train cars
those great metal beasts.
the way they, too, are nothing upon nothing.
now i dance to the sound of the terrible city.
now i heal the earth with my clunking stone feet.
i confess i am alive for the lover boys
who sit on the sun baked cement
in the dying summer and ache relentlessly.
i am alive for the color -
i am alive for i am the popsicle melting on your leg
blood red and sickly sweet
unkillable and perfect.
i am sitting far away
and incredibly close
and watching the world love.
if i’ve found the answer,
it’s not written in my language.
i speak in tones of sun and sweat.
my accent lilts like lost lovers.
my words are empty apartment buildings
full of adrift summer air
and yes, the air is adrift too,
and yes, this too has its own song.
we call it something to drum out
when the silence gets unbearable.
i mean to say,
i wanted to live until it happened.
then i wanted it even more.
the world undid me like a slow coil
left me in piles on the dirt.
the earth is a good place to start
and a good place to end.
so here i present my undoing.
so here i lie down on the soft grass
with my soft body
and ask for the jaws of the sun.