Hanahaki did not feel like going to school. She had a weight in her chest and found it hard to breathe. But "weight" was probably the wrong word, she wrote in her diary, because there was nothing there.
For three months she had spent every free minute thinking of Thor Soh. The first time she saw him she knew she had seen nothing more beautiful than he. When he spoke his voice was the song of the nightingale that led her to the land of dreams and ensured she would only have sweet ones. In the hallway once she passed and "accidentally" brushed his hand; a shock shot through her body and she felt weak-kneed. A boy that hard, yet his skin was so tender and warm...
"What do you want with him?" she wrote in her diary. They were the words of Grace, her best friend. "He's an a-hole. The longest word he ever used had two syllables and it was "f-cker."
But Hanahaki was long gone. She had barely heard Grace and considered it a miracle she remembered the words long enough to put them in her journal.
Every breath was taken with him on her mind. Every time she inhaled through her nose it was in the hope she would catch his scent, which she had now memorized. It was the scent of a white carnation.
Her head turned and she saw the carnations in the vase on her window sill. They hung their heads, and the white in their petals had faded to yellow.
Her mother came in.
"Oh," she said, startled. "You don't look well! Do you feel all right?"
She shook her head.
Her mother worked at an office downtown and Hanahaki barely saw her.
Suddenly, the weight in her chest, or what ever it was, tightened. She winced. Something was happening and she was afraid.
"Should I stay home...?"
"Just...go!" she grunted, doubled over.
Alone, she played scenes in her mind starring her and Thor. Smiling. Laughing. Dancing. Kissing.
The pain abated and she fell asleep, dreaming of guess who? Only this time she relived every time over the last 3 months that he had ignored her, as well as the two times he had looked at her most likely disgusted. Her mind was especially talented at storing these images; they replayed over and over. The pain in her chest returned. She awoke, and the next time she exhaled her lungs ejected something solid. She brought her hand to her mouth and pulled out the petal of a white carnation.
She was so scared she fell out of bed. Somehow she got a hold of her phone and called Grace. When her friend answered, however, the only thing Hanahaki could do was cough.
"Hana?" Grace asked.
Then she hung up.
She felt weak and did not know if she could stand. Her eyes fell and she saw her arms. They had never been so pale.
The only thing in her mind was Thor So. He would not leave and he would not come. He was trapped in her mind, without form, without a body, and would haunt her every waking moment. All of her thoughts and desires were directed towards Thor. The strands of hair on her head stood electrically, like cobras to flute music, and she commanded them to bring him to her.
Her hair stretched and pulled and leaned until Hanahaki could feel it growing. As it dangled over her face she watched it grow. It stretched ever downwards, past her backside, her thighs, her knees...
She coughed again for three minutes. She almost fainted again and would have thrown up if not for the fact that she hadn't eaten for two days.
Tears rolled down her cheeks as she watched her veins and arteries appear through her now transparent skin. She heaved and coughed mightily, and her hands caught a bushel of white carnations.
Has it been two days or three since I ate? she wondered. I wonder what Thor is eating now?
Gasping and wheezing, she turned over and tried to get to her feet. She knew she had to eat something. Everything spun. Her will was lacking; she had only thoughts for Thor and since she could not ingest him it was hard to want anything else.
Hanahaki managed to make it to the top of the stairwell before she stumbled over her yearning locks; she swooned. She felt so light! She giggled, wafting to the floor below like a feather.
Her head hit the marble floor like a watermelon.
At her funeral the casket was sent to its earthly home with a bouquet of carnations adorning it-her favorite.