justice
what did i do to deserve this rationalized to all but me
heartache
that keeps getting dished out to me more and more
i lay in my bed
and i wait for the time to strike the chime just perfectly at least enough for me to remember the
secret ring
of how i get into the better part of this
instead of always being the butt end of the ship taking off and leaving me
alone with nothing but debris
and i am wasted
my logic nor my intuition hits home
i ponder continuous possibile solutions in my head moment after ticking moment
and the bomb still always goes off in the end
.
what am i not understanding
am i too awkward to want to be accompanied
did you get me all dressed up like a queen just to
tell me to get down on all fours and kiss your feet because you are tired from running
running away from me
from everything that means a damn to me
my feelings
my heart
my pieces
my love
my anything
anything that has anything to do with me
and your tired of running
running my life
running your issues into me with a knife
pushing me inbetween blade and the walls
and i am suffering
wincing in pain
its often hard to see which way
i am supposed to be going
did you want me to go away
and which way would that be going
exit stage right stage left
i feel like everything is staged
and you're all just watching me
like some suspense thriller on cable tv
waiting for my final moment
waiting for my life to shatter into something i will not be able to piece back together and i am still
stuck in absolute zero motion
caught
unable to get out of the way
of the anger you've got coming my way
because i am bewildered
and puzzled
not understanding what i did to deserve this
when i thought i made you complete
and thought you completed me
like the bridge over trouble waters
only when you lay me down
its more like laying me out
for the vultures
and you pick apart my rotted insides
of horror stories i can barely whisper to this day
and then take it out on me
try to blame me for rotting
well i didn't want that shit alive in me
i didn't want that shit to breathe
so i pushed it under further than layers of skin can go deep
and i kept it
because i would never give it to anybody
and i turn it to dust
crumble it to earth little by little
as i deal with it
and it is hurting
pulling it out is nearly as bad as putting it in
sharp edges now rusted sharp edges
and you blame me for everything
and i am wondering how i can ease your pain
make your anger go away
but unfortunately i am beginning to think
that you have it set in your head
that i am too imperfect to ever make you happy
so our dream lays a waste
and you won't quit the madness until i've gone away
but that kills me
because i love you so much more than anything
and you just want me as far as i can possibly be
so i'll begin my distancing
still i just don't understand what i did to deserve this
when i loved you baby
and i wanted this so badly
maybe so badly that i broke it
i always do stupid things
at least thats what they tell me
maybe i should never have expected
that i could be good enough to fill the shoes that are good enough to walk next to you maybe i am worthless
maybe i am a horrible person
but i just don't understand what i did so badly, so wrongly
to have this be given to me as justice.
but then justice never was really fair, was it baby?