Incomplete & Misplaced
For as long as I can remember, I have felt much like the proverbial 'fish out of water' - as though I did not belong in the time or place in which I was born and lived. I truly have felt incomplete and misplaced in this life. I can't really explain it other than to say that I have always gravitated to other things, people, and places with a depth and scope of feeling that is inherent in my soul, and yes, even in my body since I feel it to my core. It prevails and haunts me as it permeates every part of my life.
Most people would say that I am silly and am wishing for things that can't happen or I can't have, but it's so much more. There's a feeling that I should have born elsewhere. Everything has always felt a bit off. If you could feel as I do, you'd understand it all in the skip of a heartbeat, but since that can't possibly happen, we'll choose the wonder of words. I only hope I can portray the depth of what I feel through the beauty and power of the words written herein.
If one were to believe in reincarnation, then it seems possible that I was previously alive in Italy or England in the days of old. It’s as though there's a familiarity with those distant places that I sense and nearly breathe despite the fact that I have never been to either of the countries. How can something you don't know seem so familiar? It’s akin to déjà vu. I'm not precisely sure what it is or how it works, but for me, these places whose soil I have never had the privilege to lay my foot upon feel all too familiar in a multitude of ways. And even more so, it's all felt in a sense of something very old.
Yes, despite what one may think about thee things, I truly feel as though I've experienced a type of social shock for feeling as incomplete or misplaced as I do. I have an old soul that gravitates to older people, places, and things; it's those people and things with which I am the most comfortable. And it's also true that especially while gazing at a star-filled sky at night, I have never felt quite at home where I am. I love my family, so I am not ungrateful for what I have. But still, it doesn't alter the scope, the breath, and the depth of what I've always felt: things have never, ever felt complete for me, leading to a sense of misplacement. And the familiarity with and the inherent knowledge of places I have never been and things I have never seen shall always reverberate deep within until my dying breath.