Waiting
I don’t understand what sin I committed
I don’t understand what harm I did to them
Just what was wrong with me?
Why don’t you tell me from that big mouth of yours?
By the people that I love the most;
To criticize me behind my back
And to hold a smiling rabbit mask in front of me
Now I feel alone, deserted in this bustling crowd of gossip
Just what is this?
The lines of compliments that showered over me made me smile
The voice and the hand that held me made me laugh
Warmth spread through me
“Maybe...I could do this, after all,”
Was what I thought.
What was I supposed to do?
What was I supposed to do in that situation?
Is it alright to call your name even though I might face cruelness later on?
Everything before me seemed to blur and censored
Can you stop touching me?
That murky feeling that spreads through me makes me shudder
Having to lie so you won’t get close anymore
Was I right to do that?
It’s so hard to shrug you off otherwise it’ll offend you
Having to pretend that everything’s normal
I wished that I didn’t find out such a rumor
Remove all of factors, there lies only one truth
And that must be the truth.
I might have to get rid of you after all
Don’t force me, don’t judge me
I’m fine the way I am unless I decide to step up
Maybe that’s a right decision after all
Even if I run, where can I even go?
There’s no sanctuary to take me in, and you know that fact well
Where else can I flee to?
If I could do something, then I wouldn’t be as powerless as I am now
Nothing is waiting for me ahead, since its blocked by you
How painful it is to be stabbed by the ones you love
And I thought that I did a good job as well...
If I meet my demise, will they cry?
Is it possible to dislike someone but love them?
Is this an obligation?
The answer depends on your actions
It’s all to live either way,
But just who am I?
At this point my face looks so scarred to the point that I can’t identify myself
When the bell rings, I’ll be freed
I hate this
I hate this
And when everything is already enough -
It’s so unfair!
Where is this happy world that I dreamed of?
Does it only exist in my imagination?
To be pushed to the brink and only cry when there’s no spectators
Until I give up, what will you do?
Though I might be called stupid and hated,
You all want something from me now, don’t you?
Are you just feeding me so I could offer my whole life to you later on?
Until my legs are overtaken by my trembling and I collapse
Is there a way to escape this pain?
To be shunned away, and also to participate at the same time
It feels so suffocating
So excruciating
My heart hurts
Hurts, and hurts
Why can’t someone find me?
Why can’t someone rescue me?
I’m here...waiting, you know?
In the end it's all going to be the same
Lend me your ear, for I have only a breath left,
“I despise you, you fucking fake ass bastard.”