november twenty-first, twenty-second, and twenty-ninth // i miss you terribly
i.
this feeling aches,
moans, presses deep,
pulls me close
ii.
i am so tired—
so tired, so tired
iii.
water rushing in my
ears, roaring melancholy through
canals to brain, sending shattering
pain through each responding wave
iv.
kaleidoscoping emotions
into heavy, burning
colors, blinding eyes
from the spinning
reality
v.
victim to my own
pressing, pulling
melancholy
vi.
hi, hello, hey
(it’s been so long)
—i miss you—
terribly—
vii.
i miss you!
false cheeriness—
pretending i’m not
overcome with this
wretched melancholy!
viii.
but i mean it, i mean it
in the worst of ways—
i miss you—
ix.
can we talk?
please? i do
not mind what is
said, just want to
see your name
jump across
my screen
x.
i’m swinging between
deafening silence
and overwhelming thought,
crushing existence
and burning apathy—
pushing
and pulling—
i cannot
b r e a t h e —
xi.
i don’t know what i want
(silence) (to not want)
(to be myself again)
xii.
i’m trying—i’m trying really hard—
xiii.
i have eradicated
all but a few wants
so i do not know what
it is i can answer you with
xiv.
why find help
when someone
else is a
lot more broken
than i?
xv.
how can i look forward to
anything at all, knowing
i’ll sabotage it, in the end?
xvi.
DO YOU WANT MY HEART OF HEARTS?
xvii.
i miss you terribly.
(please come back)
(please)