I Just Wanted A Hermitage
You ever see that nature documentary where all the hermit crabs line up on the beach, biggest to smallest, and they all swap shells? It's mesmerizing and Utopian to watch; each timid crustacean who outgrew it's current dwelling gets a new one to spread out in; perfect. comfy. till next year that is. (I do wonder about the biggest crab though... it's not as though he shrank back to the start of the line is it?)
Anyway, some part of me was naively hoping that home-buying'd be like that; some decent family who outgrew their current home might want to sell at just the right moment, them moving on just when you want to buy; a perfectly-timed rehousing venture with very few troubles.
It's not like that at all. I'm starting to think that even the video footage of hermit-crab cooperation was staged. I feel as though they may've intentionally omitted the unfortunates;
The ones who panicked when they realized that all the abandoned shells of proper size are moldy on the inside or have holes in 'em or are otherwise unsuitable or already occupied, so they scramble to return to their previous shell, squishing themselves back in place, barely enough room to breathe. Wishing crabbily that all the other crabs would quit being so darn grabby.
Home-buying's like that. When the sand clears and you've managed to nab a half-way less-inadequate dwelling, you sure as hell don't want to go through all that shell-swapping bull-crap again. Might as well just stay in your "perfect" new home forever.
....Dash it all; is that a crack in the ceiling??