I FEEL WE CAN’T GO THROUGH ANOTHER OF THOSE TERRIBLE TIMES.
thursday night
i brought my mother to a place
that used to be only mine
maybe it still is (only mine)
just having gained a dimension
the same placed experienced twice, separately
but simultaneously
now it is only mine and only hers
but even still
i think i'd like to be alone here
by myself to toss my t-shirt to the rocks
to hold my breath like it's the last my lungs will ever taste
hold it like sunlight in my hands
hold it like i once dreamt of being held by someone
somewhere, someday
i don't remember anymore
i just know i like the feeling of falling
burying my body in the colder, blacker currents
then resurrecting, gasping at the surface
just to sink again and again and again
it's freeing, in a way
like screaming at the open sky of a fish bowl
freeing until you're not alone
in that place
freeing until your voice echoes back tenfold
and it becomes apparent
that your drowning means theirs too
when you sink you pull the world in with you
making a cemetery of the deepest parts of this lake
into which you leapt to quiet the world
and now the world is crying out your name
pleading with you to WAKE UP
LOOK UP
SWIM UP, UP
there is something bright and beautiful
somewhere, somehow
i don't know anything
but i will soon know something
and i swear to you
and to them and to us
i swear that that Something will mean EVERYTHING;