I FEEL WE CAN’T GO THROUGH ANOTHER OF THOSE TERRIBLE TIMES.

thursday night

i brought my mother to a place

that used to be only mine

maybe it still is (only mine)

just having gained a dimension

the same placed experienced twice, separately

but simultaneously

now it is only mine and only hers

but even still

i think i'd like to be alone here

by myself to toss my t-shirt to the rocks

to hold my breath like it's the last my lungs will ever taste

hold it like sunlight in my hands

hold it like i once dreamt of being held by someone

somewhere, someday

i don't remember anymore

i just know i like the feeling of falling

burying my body in the colder, blacker currents

then resurrecting, gasping at the surface

just to sink again and again and again

it's freeing, in a way

like screaming at the open sky of a fish bowl

freeing until you're not alone

in that place

freeing until your voice echoes back tenfold

and it becomes apparent

that your drowning means theirs too

when you sink you pull the world in with you

making a cemetery of the deepest parts of this lake

into which you leapt to quiet the world

and now the world is crying out your name

pleading with you to WAKE UP

LOOK UP

SWIM UP, UP

there is something bright and beautiful

somewhere, somehow

i don't know anything

but i will soon know something

and i swear to you

and to them and to us

i swear that that Something will mean EVERYTHING;