A Thousand Missed Alarms for You and Your Cat
I wish for you only the best,
Psych! The best of the worst!
You, mine enemy,
Should consider yourself cursed.
Cursed to a lifetime of bad hair days,
Broken eyeliner and flight delays.
May you lose the cord from every dressing gown,
May you always drop your toast butter side down.
I hope it rains on the day that you wed,
Biblical storms and grey clouds overhead.
May your tyres attract every nail within sixty miles,
And just for fun, I curse thee with eternal piles.
I curse your flat pack furniture to always be one item short,
The awkward piece that cannot be individually bought.
Cancel the salon, you needn’t bother getting your nails done,
I curse you to ever lose all of them except for one.
I curse you to go grey before your time,
And be seated by the bogs each time you dine,
While we’re at it, have food poisoning twice per year,
Without losing any weight at all, my dear!
Also, how about swallowing spiders each night you sleep?
And on waking, thou shall stand on Lego with bare feet.
Oooh I know, back to the wedding - a ginormous zit!
Followed by your dress's busted zip!
Excellent, I am all out of ideas so I shall stop,
Do think on before stealing another parking spot!