"Faith makes things possible...not easy."
It's been in my grandma's house for as long as I can remember. As much a fixture of the kitchen as the appliances or the cabinets. Light blue, periwinkle. An ornate cross affixed on the right hand side. The quote etched into it is unassuming, powerful. Wisdom doesn't have to be grand, sometimes it comes in the form of simple statements. Ones you've heard a thousand times but suddenly strike a different tone than they did before.
One day a week...my manager's voice trails off. I hear her justifying the the cut in hours in the back of my mind. I didn't think part time would translate to virtually no time. I get the feeling this was discussed before I brought it up.
I want to stress eat. Is there still pizza in the fridge? Yes. Is it disappointing? Yes. Is it easy? Yes. Do I feel better? Yes. Seventy pounds lighter, and my inner fat girl lives on. That's okay. She gets me. She'll always have a place in my life.
"Mama. Book. Reeeeead. Book."
My toddler wants my attention. I'm nearly tapped out but I'll drain the reserves for her. Is this how my mother felt? She wants to learn. I want to encourage her. She's fussy at bedtime. I try to keep my patience. All I want to do is sleep. She climbs into the rocking chair by herself. I know where that sense of independence gets you.
I feel the urge to write, but where is the energy? That poem is basic. This story sucks. Maybe I'll do better when I'm not working so hard. Three more weeks to finish training my replacement. She'll do well. I'm a little jealous. I want her to succeed. I don't want to be replaced. I asked for this. I got it.
My last words to my co-worker before I left for the night- "My faith has been tested so many times before. I know how to handle it when it happens." Like my monthly cycle- I know the signs. I know what to do. You'd think I'd be used to it by now, but every time I get bitter and drained, having forgotten just how painful of an experience it is. Exhaustion of the spirit is a different kind of tired.
"So they broke your spirit. Spirit is very fragile but not impossible to repair." Heard that line in a murder mystery series I decided to revisit. I'm in the seventh season. I don't really remember watching the first six. Hell of a way to escape. I don't want to start anything new. I just want to remember what I like.
I pass the magnet as I roll the high chair to its proper place.
Mockery or inspiration? I don't know that the two cancel each other out.