Excerpt from working novel, “Radio”
I didn’t know how else to answer Feather’s question about why I had been so focused on throughly checking the whole house to the point of raging frustration. Truth is I was starting to doubt my reasons for it in the first place. I mean, the twins took every precaution to make sure G-M operatives couldn’t follow us after Surge collected and destroyed all of the bugs installed throughout my childhood home this morning. And like Surge had said earlier in the van, this area was surrounded by granite which would cause the operatives’ tracking equipment to malfunction… well, I expected to a certain extent anyways. I hoped with all my heart that this place would keep us safe longer than the other houses we had moved to. But there was still a sense of doubt lingering within me, whether again it was related to my mother’s death or something else entirely that I couldn’t even put words to explain why.
I just didn’t know the real reasons of my suspicions in relation to the pungent aromas anymore, as I felt the intensity of his gaze upon me. The emotions rolling in together like a small thunder storm, more specifically utter confusion and stupidity, seemed to be wrapping themselves tighter around me, creating a medium fog over the rage and frustration that had been racing through me only moments ago before Feather placed his hand on my shoulder. These emotions were so tight, I was afraid I might gasp and release a sonic boom. If Feather or the rest of my unit became deaf, permanent or not, or worse their deaths— not to mention damage the new house, I wouldn’t be able to ever forgive myself. Oh how again I wished I had been born a normie. My parents would still be together and alive. I would be able to speak aloud and not be forced to communicate telepathically. The only things I would have to worry about were whether a boy liked me, going shopping with my friends or whether I would get into a good college…. You know normal girly stuff. Not whether if I could assemble a weapon in under 15 seconds, be forced to see and perform the atrocities I couldn’t erase from my memories or if operatives had been able to find my unit and me. I know what you might be thinking, if I had been, I would never have met any of the members of my unit— the only family I had left. And I would never have met Feather, my best friend in the whole world,
Yet and further more regardless, the more I felt Feather’s gaze on me, my cheeks filling with heat, that perhaps the “something” had to do with, similar to most of our moves, this new home— new start being too good to be true. Or maybe it wasn’t.
Either way, I couldn’t find the strength to look into Feather’s beautiful dark brown eyes to see his reaction to my erratic answer, so instead I decided to revert to my usual habit by averting my gaze up at the ceiling to listen to Vapor opening the front door with muffled speaking to a strange man before shutting and locking the door. The heavy waft of pizza took the place of the three aromas that had nagged me for I don’t know how long. I looked towards the small windows and noticed the darkness of the night had arrived with me realizing it.
But this habit of avoidance Feather knew too well as way to avoid any possible judgment of my foolish behavior or assumptions. Though I knew perfectly that he, of all the members of our unit, wouldn’t judge or tease me about because he knew I usually had a good reason behind my actions. And without saying anything and knowing I would tell him when I was ready, he wrapped his arms around me. Except… this time instead of turning me around, from behind. An electric tingling rushed through my veins, sending goosebumps down my arms. There was no other way to describe because of how stunned I was. Feather usually spun me around to hug me in a very platonic way, I strangely welcomed the intimacy of the gesture and leaned further into him until our bodies seemed to meld into one. And yet I found myself trailing up his shirt until my fingers were intertwined with the back part of his hair by his neck, his long black hair draping over my tilted head. I could hear his heart racing like mine. It was so similar to the moment we had shared after I had discovered my mother’s butchered body, I wondered why this closeness felt so right. This was crazier than my actions moments before he surprised me with his presence. He didn’t show any sign of pulling away, but I had the need to delve into his mind to see if he was feeling the same way I did.
Unfortunately and quite peculiarly, I wasn’t able to get a reading. It was as though he had found a way to shield his thoughts from my telepathy. I would have asked why, but I was too exhausted from all the searching throughout the entire house to ask. I allowed his natural earthy musk and his embrace wash over me until I no longer felt paranoid, frustrated, or crazy. Time seemed to stand still until it felt as though we were the only two left in this world. Not a single sound could be heard. Perplexed as I was as to why this felt right— felt like home, filling the void of my mother’s death and the abandonment of my childhood home even if it was only temporary. Yet the magical spell, Feather and I appeared to be under, was broken when we heard the whining of the top step and heard Dialect speak, that Feather and I pulled away from one another and returning back to our brother and sister status.
“Pizzas here!” Dialect almost shout with glee.
“We’ll be up in a minute,” Feather said, as I turned my whole body to face him.
His eyes continued to stare at me, placing his hands on either side of my hips and pulled me close to him until our foreheads touched, his warmth sending shivers down my bones.
“It’s never a bad thing to trust your instincts,” Feather begun to at a low whisper,” as long as you are prepared for the consequences, good or bad.” He stopped for a moment before I low guttural laugh escaped his lips. “And in this case, a lot of weird looks from the four up stares and unfortunately a lot of questions.”
I tightly shut my mouth, resisting the urge to laugh and managing to laughter through the doors of our minds.
Feather moved his head to give me a soft kiss on my forehead, then push away to offer his hand. I took it and allowed him to guide me up the stairs. However, the moment we reached the open doorway of the basement, he immediately dropped his hand into his pocket, like we hadn’t shared an almost intimate moment. Told you I was foolish to think I wasn’t still insane, just in completely different way. Like I said, Feather and I made it very clear that we are only just friends and are more like brother and sister. And yet, nope…nope, nope. Nope. I’m not going there again. And with this reminding determination back in my mind. Because I. Do. Not. Like. Feather. In. That. Way. PERIOD!!!
I took another deep breath to compose myself to ensure to myself and the rest of the unit that the unspoken agreement made between Feather and I still held firm. Yet… oh God— there was still a naïve part of me that want to hold on the small single shred of hope my finality, when it came to Feather wasn’t entire true. I quickly dismissed it nonetheless, and went further into the bare kitchen of any normal appliances or amenities. Well aside from the six boxes of pizza, liters of soda paper plates and paper towels.
When I had grabbed my first two slices and walked to sit on the floor of the midway area between the kitchen and living room, I took my place on the floor between Surge and Dialect. Usually I sat next to Feather and Vapor. I tended to do this whenever Feather and I share a moment similar to the one in the basement or when either one of us, him more than me, were hooking up or dating a normie. It was the only way I could firmly keep up my usual façade of collective-ness and calmness in front of everyone.