Searching for Her
It’s been 4 years since my mom passed. I haven’t cleaned out any of her things because in some way, I’m still looking for signs and little notes she would leave around the house. I still have some hope that I will come across a missing puzzle piece she would have left behind. If I cleaned out her closet and her things it will make it final.
I’m still searching for her knowing she is not here. I search for her in the crowds when I’m shopping. I search for old text messages, letters, cards.. I search for her in old photo albums and the memories of her friends. I’ll search for her in the movies we would watch together, our tv shows and old voicemails. Even though she is not here, I’ll still continue to search for her.
When the days are good, I’ll look for her. On my toughest days, I’ll look for her. When I get married one day, I’ll look for her walking down the isle. When I have babies, I’ll search for her in the waiting room.
Then, one day when I get to the point of not searching for her in the physical world... I’ll come to terms that I’ll find her in the sunset, the moon and the stars. The little signs she gives me that comes in forms of birds, butterflies and dreams.
I shouldn’t have to search far for her because I am her daughter and that part will always stay with me.
I was 23 when I lost her. I lost her too young and here I am at the age of 27 where I need my mom the most right now. I’ll always need her even when I’m old and wrinkly. The more I think of it, a daughter will always need her mom no matter what age.
Until then, I’ll search for her in my unanswered prayers and dreams. Cope with her spiritual existence because she is still so much here with me and eventually I won’t have to look far to find her because she never left. A piece of her will always stay in my heart.