10 reasons you’re kidding yourself if you think you’ll cross that bridge!

10. The bridge is not made of gold.

Everything has a price and time is the most precious of commodities. If you were to waste your very, very valuable time crossing bridges, they'd better have an incentive on the other side. No looking far in the distance longingly, no hike is going to cut it. The destination better be so fabulously worth it, that the bridge itself is made of gold, possibly encrusted with rubies and emeralds that are easily plucked. If it isn't, then why bother even glancing at such a plebean thing?!

9. You don't know the answer to the gatekeepers riddle.

Well, don't take it so hard. Actually it's a trick question, the gate keeper needs to stand there FOREVER and his bitterness and boredom shows. He measures things by how painfully it effects the passanger. Out of spite he will let others pass but not you, and if you ever ask 'why me?!' , he will answer, 'because I like you' and grin.

8. It's a toll bridge.

You put the little, itty-bitty coin in the slot like a good boy, and then you can go through.

But you can't, can you? Why is that? Couldn't you scrape together enough to pay the measly token? Is that tooooooo hard for you? Oh...poor you... If you ever save enough, to come back, you'll see they raised the price.

Deal with it.

7. Everytime you start crossing, you cross over to exactly the same side.

It happens every time, you look far down the span. It's a bit foggy, but you see the two towers and cables and the lights and the slight upward curve of the roadway. You start walking. behind you is the half-burned pizza shack that you reminisced about.ah...to be young again...all those misspent years...where did they all go?

You start walking, your legs feel confident, as the hard asphalt lovingly resists your weight. You pass under tower no. 1. And walk and walk.

That burnt down pizza shack is waiting for you, as you move forward .

Tower no. 2 is tower no. 1, tower no.2 is tower no. 1!!!

The cables silently vibrate in mockery.

6. The Mariachi band

Mariachii bands are the bomb! those moustachioed geniuses, sing to you , and it is definity NOT in Spanish, though the style and the skill are as authentic as it is outsanding. They Sing so wonderfully, and you puzzle how it came to pass, that they all congregated and for what purpose. They never stop and you will starve to death waiting long before their throats get sore, or their guitar strings break.

5. You are a slave to caprice.

Every whim you get through your deranged mind, you will be compelled to follow. You will cross desserts, eat deserts, you will hug trees, and kiss signposts. But there is one final limit to this insanity: that goddam bridge.

It taunts you, haunts your ravenous dreams. You may burn the bridge, beg others to tear it down, you might even write in verse about you fantasy of leaping over it. but you will never cross the thing.

To be clear, this is not some fansy-schmantsy character ark; you overcoming some fear or being haunted by memories of what lies on the other side. No. Crossing it, in your mind is an absolute impossibility.

4. You're busy.

Enough said, really. Even reading this list was about as much free time as you're going to get for about a month. So a 2 hour walk across is out of the question.

3. If you cross the bridge, you'll be enthroned upon the holy seat of Caæ'tkltñ.

This is something you were told long ago by the oracle. You did your best to find a way to cross the bridge and not get a crown and a seat of power, or maybe something more limited in scope, maybe a barony, or an earldom. But it's not up to you. It was prophesized!

The throne of Caæ'tkltñ, is not fun, and no one wants the thing. In the middle of the bridge, perched upon a high column of granite, is the office of the Grand herald, who's sole job is to wait for YOU, jump down, once he catches sight of you and proclaim loudly "make way for the King!!". All of HIS life was about waiting for you. Do you really think this guy is going to let you turn back?

2. It's actually a gangplank. And you are forbidden by the captain to take part in the next raids!

You just don't get how pirating works; We storm the ship, take all the loot we can, take hostages too, but treat them as gently as we can!! You cross over, start killing and burning everything like it's cool. I mean , they surrendered!! What were you thinking? We are not here for our health. This is a business. You're lucky the cap'n didn't throw you off the ship right then and there, with the way you ransacked the cargohold, slashing away at those paintings.

Look, being overzealous is never a good thing. I don't know what you were trying to prove but no one was impressed by this, not even after you lugged that casket of brandy from the captain's suite. I mean, sure it was a nice treat, but you didn't have to carve the guy into pieces. Everybody saw that!

Right now, talk is that you will either be stranded somewhere, or thrown to the sharks , but i'll try talk to the cap'n, try telling him you're going through some stuff. Tbrow in that you got carried away.. But once we get back to Barbados, you're out. I don't know what you'll do after this, but the reeving comnunity is pretty close . word gets around and no one wants to work with a berserker. So play nice, tiptoe until the end of the cruise, and do your best to chill.

1. Still don't have enough to pay the toll?!?!

Look, this isn't some symbolic representation of what's keeping you from moving ahead in life. You just need to pay a toll. That's all. No trolls to scare you, no broken bridge bit. Just.. Just...SIMPLE stuff...l Don't understand why you can't get your shit together, PREPARE for things, and then follow through. You were so eager, desperate even coming over here , and you let such a small thing screw things up?

See that sign over there? THE BIG ONE!! You must have exact change. They don't mess around, if you can't get this through then you must be burdened with such a crippling fear of either bridges or what you THINK is waiting for you, that you sabotage it like this. Go ahead, waste your time with excuses or distractions. That's what you're good for...