naivety blinded by cowardice
"You are strong, you have to believe that"
"Be proud of yourself, you're strong"
I wasn't.
They tried consoling me, saying things that could've made me feel somewhat better.
But it didn't.
I wasn't strong, I thought I would turned out to be stronger after that. I tried believing.
But that was just a facade, an illusion, a false confidence for saying I've got my life together.
What was done was done. Nothing will make the past rewind and be rewritten.
All I had to do was move forward and I thought I'm moving forward. I thought, this time, I'm stronger, this time I know better.
In a blink of an eye, 3 years have passed and I'm still stuck on my own box, couldn't get out cause I locked myself in.
They tried consoling me, saying I'm still young, yeah sure, I really am too young to give up on myself. But I couldn't get to that boundary, I couldn't think of a way to get out. My role is done, I stopped valuing what was left in me anymore. What the hell am I supposed to?
I wasn't strong like you thought I was.
I started experiencing life and I'm already broken. I thought too much and started acting little.
I've started growing afraid. When I was young I told myself, if I come to that phase in life, I will grow stronger.
Sorry kiddo, your present self have grown weak.
Sometimes I thought to myself, I'm too mature for being young, and too childish for being an adult.
Sucks for a person who just stepped into the adult world and already turned out to be like this.