her
Doomy, a foggy mist upon life as a whole. Emotions seeping through tiny opened wounds around my body, like a leak in a roof; desperately needing a patch to seal it back all up once again. The world once so bright and uptilted, now gloomy, foggy, dark seeping and vague. The feeling of a boxing glove smashing into your stomach with every thought or feeling towards the one you loved. Why did she leave me? Was I not good enough? Did I do something wrong? Every guilt glides through my brain, leaving smoke signals morbidly around my being. Coraline's whirlwind storm came to reality, taking me in and spinning in overthinking thoughts, dread, spinning faster and faster and more cluttered. Throwing me onto a steep bed, never wanting to escape. Love songs that once brought joy and remembrance for what I have, now become a horror sorely reminding me of what I had. How come one single person you lived without before you met them, now are a part of you you can't even think to thrive without. All you have left is hope. Hope that they are there when you arrive back from the year long dread, craving to crawl back into your touch and redeem everything back pushed, and moving forward to new becmonings.
Yet she was so perfect in my eyes, I never thought I could get someone so beutiful to fall for me, and I wouldn't dream of that to slip away from me. I don't want to think of her being with someone else, the morbid thinking of her true laughter being altered by another human making her feel how I did horrors me. Hoping dearly, when I come back she will see me and everything will flush back to her and she falls harder like the first time she saw me and I can have her for the rest of my life. I seriously want her and only her, ever. This women can make me feel so happy and giddy and safe, but when shes gone I feel like a part of me got ripped out and I'm half a person. I think I need to learn to depend on myself because in california, I was able to tell hope and everyone everything that happens, so when mini or major events happen here I wanna just open my phone and tell them but I can't.
Thoughts.