13 reads

All of him

I sit there, still, trying not to move or to bring any more attention to myself. My father and the principal are in an argument about school rules. My father is bright red with anger and so is my principals. I even think he's steaming. They were yelling things about the school on each others, faces, back and forth. I look at the floor as my father signals me to go. I sighed and turned to the door. We leave without another word and silence followed in the car. When we get home, my father looks at me with disappointment and he sighs. He had a solid face. My eyes began to water, and I walked to my room silently.

The next day, when I went to school, I noticed that my father was still in bed, so I decided to let him sleep. I ate a bowl of cereal and creeped out the front door. As I walked to school I was distracted by all the birds and all their different colors flying in the sky. Yellow, pinks, greens, blues, reds. I love color everywhere, including living things such as myself. As I get to the front door of my school, I realize I'm really early. I will have to wait.

Later, when almost all the kids are at school, they let us in. When I walked in the door of my class, I sat down and started reading. The announcements called me out of my set for the pledge. When I sat back down, I noticed a slip of paper in my desk. I slowly reached toward it. When I finally reach for the slip of paper, I pull it out of my desk. I read it. My eyes widened with shock. I have a month of after-school detention. I did not know that it would get me in so much trouble.

When I reached home, I read the slip again. Cloie Iling has after-school detention for a month; this punishment will start 10/4/24. When I walk through the door, I turn to the living room and slowly step toward my father. When I reach him, I whisper, I'm sorry, and I handed him the paper. I look toward the floor in that same desperate act attempting to not attract any attention. My father rose from his seat. I expected screaming and yelling, so I braced. But when I hear nothing, I look up, and he is standing over me. Then he speaks. “It's okay, I understand.”

I'm walking to school the next morning to see butterflies fluttering in every direction of every bit of the town, some wight, some pink, blue, and orange. As I walk I notice a group of kids walking to school 3rd, 4th, maybe 5th. I passed them and kept walking. How did I not notice them before? Actually, there are many groups of kids walking. I have always walked this way and never noticed. I get to the door and head inside. Today is going to be a long day.

After school, I walked to the principal's office. As I open the door, my heart starts pounding and my skin turns cold in fear of what will come. I enter the room and I sit. He looks at me with disgust. We sat in silence for about 5 minutes. I finally break the silence,““So i'm here to ask what i have to do for my month detention”

”

“Ah. Well, I've been thinking about that, I'm putting you in the school library.“ The next thing I know I'm putting books back on a shelf. The first day I was in the library it was terrible. A girl named Nila Seawood, who is a big bully, came in and saw me. ”Hahahaha look! it's the library girl, hahaha. Her daddy has a problem with my dad.” Oh yeah, and she's Mr. Seawoods daughter, which makes things worse.

She's mostly the reason I got in trouble. She makes up stuff like she said I bit her last month and she bit herself to make it look real. “What do you want Nila?” “to annoy you.” I picked my stuff up and left that area so she couldn't see me anymore.

As I was putting a book away, I noticed another book. It looked old and really beaten up. I opened it and the cover came off. And as I flipped through the pages, a photo dropped out. It was a picture of a woman. The picture was torn in half, and on the back, it had the name, it said tina linnn. It sounded familiar. I finished up and checked out the book and left.

It was dark when I got home. My father was in bed and my dog was outside in the shed. The cat in his cat tower, and me in the doorway, looking at my living room. My body hurts from carrying my bag all day and to make matters worse, I've been carrying books around all afternoon. My bed was heaven, my back resting, my eyes relaxing, my stomach full, and almost asleep. Looking around my room thinking about the purple curtains my aunt bought me last Christmas. A dark furry carpet next to my bed; my dresser across from my bed; my reflection showing, a border of pictures around my head.

In the morning I ate a bowl of cereal and walked again before my dad got up. As I was walking, a sharp pain knocked me in my stomach. I thought it was just my stomach settling so i walked all the way to school and was fine in my third class. 10 minutes before lunch the sharp pain came back and it got worse throughout the rest of the day as i walked down to the library it hit so hard i screamed and almost fell down the stairs.

So I crawled to the nurse as I lay on the bed. I heard my father walk in and ask what happened. I tried to turn to him, but the pain was so fierce it barked in protest. The nurse says she thinks I just have awful period cramps. My father carried me to the library and asked if I could have a sit-down job today. The woman behind the desk said yes, and put a large pile of paper in front of me to sort by year.

After detention, I walked home in agony and hopped in bed. The pain was so terrible I was getting dizzy. I fell asleep and when I woke up the pain was so bad that I started screaming and I blacked out. I woke up again. But this time I was in an unfamiliar place. Then I realized that I was in a hospital. My side aches like hell. It was so hard to get up, my father was asleep in a chair next to my bed. I looked at my side. There were a lot of stitches up and down my side.

Then there was a knock after I changed. I yelled 'come in'' and then my dad woke up. it was the doctor coming on to tell us what was wrong with my stomach. She opened the door and she looked at me like I was crazy. She rushed over and pulled my shirt up to look at the stitches. When she saw them still closed, she exhaled in relief. “So what's wrong?” my dad asked in a tired voice. “ she…. Will… she had some fluid in her abdomen that caused a lot of pain. We are looking if there are any signs of cancer, but we think she's clear to go home for today.”

So we went home. To my dog Charlie and my bed. I went to school next week. I was still sore, but I wanted to go. The doctor had to tell me I have kidney cancer and it's spreading to my lungs, but for now, I'm going to have to slow down and enjoy life while I'm here. i will have to do chemo. But I won't start until next month. After school, I went to the library. When I was putting away history books, I remembered that I still hadn't looked at the book in my bag yet.

My dad never really talks about her…. My mom. She diedthe night after my birthday. In a car crash on the east middle road. The book was old and the pictures were black and white, but I thought that I could look through it. When I looked through the pages and I saw her, long hair, a big smile, and her cheery outfit on. My mom must have been a cheerleader when she was here. But we don't have cheerleaders now. I wonder how long ago this was?

When I was done I renewed the book and took it home with me. i was quiet so my dad wouldn't hear me, but somehow,“ honey, I'm in the kitchen, come here''! `` i'll be right there!” I walked to my room and hid the book under my mattress.

When I walked down, my dad was sipping a cup of coffee. “Ya”?

“ oh well, the doctor said for me to have you try this medicine and see if it slows the cancer, for now”. “Ok”.

So I took the medicine. The next day I was in school, but today something was off. I couldn't tell what it was. But people were staring at me. This wasn't good.

So I sat down and looked around. Everyone was still staring at me. So I went over to my friend Izzy in the corner and asked her why everyone was staring at me. “ because they all heard you have cancer”. “What”! I yelled so loud that even the kids in the hall heard me yell. “How did they find out!““ I think one of the nurses was talking about it and someone spread the word”.

I ran out the door so fast that I didn't see that I was crying. I ran to the office and asked if I could call my dad. When he came and picked me up, he was so furious with the principal for letting this happen, he burst into the room yelling and screaming.

Then I followed behind him and listened to them yell back and forth like they were on a reality TV show. The volume kept rising. I felt tired and woozy. Then all of a sudden I blacked out.

When I woke up, I was in my hospital bed… again. But I wasn't connected to anything. I wasn't drugged. I felt fine. Still a little tired but overall fine. Then my dad walked in with the doctor. I jumped up and the doctor looked so surprised she jolted toward me and sat me down and hugged me. I was uncomfortable, but it was fine. She started letting go and was a little jumpy myself. ”

Then I followed behind him and listened to them yell back and forth like they were on a reality TV show. The volume kept rising. I felt tired and woozy. Then all of a sudden I blacked out.

This made me angry, angrier than I've ever been. I saw red everywhere. I couldn't contain my screaming and yelling, which was directed at the doctor and my principal. When I got home, my throat hurt from yelling so loud. i was so tired and I was so angry and upset and out of it, I was worried about school and what everyone must think of me, an SICK AND DETERIORATIVE PERSON WHO CRIES an LOT AND ALWAYS LOOKS SAD, I HATE THIS LIFE, MY DAD DOESN'T HERE AND MY DAD DOESN'T UNDER-UNDERSTAND.

Eventually, I fell asleep and woke up at my regular time, but I didn't want to go to school so I stayed home. I can't go back ever. I will never go back. And if I do (which I won't) I will hide away from everyone and keep my hood up, and never talk again.

A week later my dad made me go to school and I wore all black clothes and a black hoodie and got my throat ready not to talk all day.

I was so careful of not letting people see my face. I was also as silent as I could be. When I got to my classroom, I sat down and put my head on the table so no one could see me. After class I ran out the door to my next class until lunch where my plan set in. go to the bathroom and eat so no one could see me. But when I got to the lunchroom, the teacher wouldn't let me out. So I sat facing away from everyone at a far table.

At least ten seconds after I sat down, a boy I didn't know sat down. ( What was he doing? Does he know who I am? Can he see my face? Why is he sitting here? Is anyone else coming with him?) I was trying not to let him see my face, but when I saw him I couldn't look away. He was so happy looking and so bright… hot…. Why was he coming to the gloomiest person in the room?

He was looking at me with a smile. He was welcoming. “ So I hear you have cancer, I have cancer too, I have hepatocellular carcinoma. I'm here to make you feel better. it's okay to be different,”. He wasn't much older than me, only about a half a year older. When I tried to tell him I was misdiagnosed, he budded in to say his name. '' I'm Noah ''. ``oh, '' I said “ and yours is Cloie right”?

“ Listen, I got… thanks”. He smiled and walked away. I was so upset at myself for not telling him. When I got to the library there he was again, waiting for me. He was sitting in a chair by the desk of the librarian. When he saw me, he jumped up and winced, like he was in pain. He walked over to me and said he was going to help me with my detention for the rest of the month.

He sat next to me, smiling so big that his mouth must be hurting because he's doing that with his face. “ So what caused this detention”? I sighed really loudly, “ I was stealing art supplies for a month and I got caught…” “ Well, do you like art”? “ yeah my mom used to be a painter”. “ oh, what's your dad's job”? “ he's an architect”. “oh, cool”! “ What's with all the questions”? “ just trying to get to know you”. We didn't talk much after that, but I was more focused on looking in all the yearbooks to talk.

I was trying to find out if my dad went to this school. He doesn't talk much about his life before me. All I know is that he did go to school. He lived here all his life and we live walking distance from the school, so why wouldn't he go to this school? When I got home, my dad was sitting on the couch watching TV when I walked in. So I decided I was not going to eat dinner. When I walked into my room it smelled like pee. I sat on my bed and laid down. Ten seconds later, my dad walked in and looked at me. He smiled and said “ I got you something” “ what”? i asked

The little creature came crawling out from under my bed with a bit of fuzz on his lip. It was a puppy and its name was Curtis. Charlie and Curtis got along so well they slept together, played together, and were always together. When Charlie passed, Curtis was always cheering me up and making me feel better about everything, no matter what. The next month was December and I knew what that meant for Christmas.

When I woke up I ran downstairs, the presents were under the tree, but a lot of them were falling out from under because there were so many. When I got to the tree, my mom was on the couch; she smiled and said “go ahead”. Then I woke up… when I ran down the stairs, my dad was on the couch. Then, when he saw me, his smile turned to a quick reaction. “What's wrong, are you in pain, are you hurt, what's wrong”? “ I had an awful dream”… somehow he knew what I meant and sat me down on the couch and snuggled me up into the blankets. After I opened my gifts, we watched movies all day.

A week later I went back to school. “everyone still thinks i have cancer”… “should I tell them”… “no”. “Then they would all think I was lying”. I'm going to leave this school anyway.

My dad said we were going to move. Wait, if I move I won't be able to figure this photo thing out or find out about my mom. When I got to school I pulled out the book and the photo and put them on my desk until later. When the lunch bell rings, I reach my desk and take out the book and picture. When I got to the bathroom, a ton of girls were doing their hair in the mirrors, so I turned to the door of the lunchroom. I could hear my heart racing ready to jump out, and when it did my chest would be hollow, but my thoughts were raging for me to notice them.When I stepped into the room it seemed as if the room went silent in anticipation of me moving to a table. Instead of sitting at a table, I sat on a bench on the back wall. I opened the book and flipped to 11 years before I was born. She would have been in 8th grade; my father would have been in 9th. She was a year younger than my dad. i knew that and that she looked like Fabiana Udenio from Jane the Virgin, just younger and more beautiful.

The last time I had a crush was in fifth grade, but when I told him I liked him, he completely ignored it. I thought no one would like me as a girlfriend after that.

When I was going through all the pictures of people from the year, my mom was here. He walked up to me and smiled.

”

The last time I had a crush was in fifth grade, but when I told him I liked him, he completely ignored it. I thought no one would like me as a girlfriend after that.

When I was going through all the pictures of people from the year, my mom was here. He walked up to me and smiled.

“So how have you been?” he said next to me, “good”, “i tried to come to see you but your dad didn't know who i was so he said not now.” i hesitated

“So do you wanna get some charlie chocolate cream after school. it's your favorite right?”, “ How did you know that is my favorite?”, “Your dad.” “Of course…”, “ya…” “so you're asking me out on a date?” “ya! is that okay?”

“Sure.” “Great, pick you up at 6pm. i also know your address.” He smiled awkwardly and got up with another wince.

The next day he was at my house and he was in a red flannel shirt and burnt jeans. I was in a yellow open shoulder top and skinny jeans with a sunflower clip that pinned back my bang. Then the thought occurred: how will we get there? He smiles at me and takes my hand and leads me to his car. It was a white Mercedes, with a cancer bumper sticker. When we get to the ice cream shop, I look over and smile. I find it weird that we hadn't talked the entire time, but I was still quiet.

“Shall we” he put his hand out and smiled, and I took it. Then I opened the door and got out. We walk in with our fingers intertwined with each other. The merchant is the same one every time I come in. His name is Matthew and he is one of my best friends. He looks at me with joy and looks over and sees Noah and turns back to me with a smile that made me laugh under my breath. When it's our turn to order, Matthew goes to the back with my favorite Sunday and hands it to Noah. “this is her favorite, remember it.” I took out my wallet, but Noah beat me to it.

When I take a seat, Noah sits next to me, very close. Our knees are touching, our shoulders are touching, and he looks at me with a smile. The smile makes me flush with hotness throughout my body. He takes a spoonful and puts it in my mouth. The cream is soothing but melts instantly because of the heat. He takes a spoonful for himself and looks at me with socks. “This is amazing”! Then I looked at him and saw him for real. For the first time I see him as his happy self. Then his smile reappears, giving me the same flush. He leans in to put my head on his shoulder, but is stead our lips touch with an unusual sweetness. His kiss is hot and my entire body is hot. He grabbed my waist and kissed me.

When we got to my house he walked me to the door and kissed me and got in his car and drove off. When I got inside, my dad was smiling from ear to ear as if he saw me… did he see the kiss. “Soooooo how was it”? “DAD YOU WERE WATCHiNG”!

“Ya, i also got a ton of pictures”. I went to my room embarrassed and wondering what tomorrow would be like.

When I got up I was hungry and still hot from last night. When I walked out the door a flush of excitement for today bubbled up and was making me float with happiness. When I got to the end of my driveway, Noah pulled up to me. “ Wanna lift”?I smiled and nodded and I got in. We held hands all the way to school. When we got to school he was smiling with a mischievous look and it made me feel happy and excited. When I got out of the car he took my hand and led me inside and put his arm around my waist and smiled with another mischievous smile that made me smile. He walked with me to my first class and went in and sat down with me. “ Wait, this is your first bell, I've never seen you in here before”?

“ my dad let me switch my schedule to the same as yours”. I found that weird, but as long as he's with me, I guess.

Later, when he dropped me off, he asked if I could go out on another date tomorrow and I said sure. When i got in i went straight to my room and started to think how he could change his schedule to mine in one day, then it hit me, he's the son of the principal, the person that hates me most, the person who gave me detention, the person who fights with my dad every time they see each other. My boyfriend's dad is my least favorite person. No, we aren't official, so he's not my boyfriend. The next day was the same as before, when he picked me up, he was the best i had ever seen hi. His hair that was perfectly done, his suit jacket open and his tie, not all the way tightened. I was in a weight tank top with a plad jacket and white burnt jeans. A little overdressed apparently.

He smiled and said `` perfect''. I smiled and asked where we were going. “We're going to have dinner with my parents and your father is already there. Pov: OH No, they're together. Maybe I was wrong. Maybe his dad isn't the principal. is his last name, even seawoods, and that would mean that Nila is his sister…

”

“Ok”.. he took my hand and opened the car door for me and closed it behind me. When we pulled up to his house he smiled with his mischievous smile again and got out and opened the door for me. He led me to the door and into the house, and as soon as we entered the house I knew the answer. Yelling, shouting, at one another in the living room, red faces and little misses, perfect, sitting on the couch with a little pink dress on. Noah's smile flipped instantly with shock in his eyes. My face is unchanged, as if I was expecting this, ready for it. When I finally looked up, his face was sad and unhappy, as if he was disappointed.

“THAT'S ENOUGH”!“YOU TWO NEED TO STOP ACTIVING LIKE LITTLE KIDS”! “I'M TiRED OF iT”! That was the first time I talked like that to either of them. They all looked at me with surprise and sadness. When I was calmer, I realized that I was crying and the tears streamed down my face like two rivers of sadness and relief. When Noah took me home, I was quiet. When we reached my house, my dad got out of the car and went inside. “Are you ok”? “Ya”. he walked me to the door and kissed me good night, but this kiss was different. It was a sad kiss.

The next day I fed Marley my cat and walked straight to school. When I got to school I noticed he wasn't at first bell or at any bells, he must have been at home. When I walked home I noticed that there was a car in my driveway; it was a black Mercedes. When I got inside I had a bad feeling. I turned into the kitchen and Noah was sitting on the counter, but that wasn't his car. After examining it, he realized it wasn't Noah. “Hi”, “ I'm Noah's brother”! “He's in your room”. I walked slowly up the stairs and down the long hallway. There was a picture of my mom at the end of it and an urn with her ashes inside.

My room was the third door on the left, with a please knock before entering the sign on the front. When I got to the door, my calmness quickly turned into fear. I slowly turned the doorknob. His eyes were down on the floor, his legs propped out, sitting on the bed. When he looked up, a sad smile appeared on his face. I sat down next to him on the bed and leaned on his shoulder. “Sorry,” he said with a sad smile, “I wanted it to be a nice night…” “ no! it was good i finally said what i wanted to, and i love the fact that you did that. It made me love you even more.” That word slipped from my mouth by accident, and I smiled as a way to tell him oops. He smiled and tickled me and we laughed for the rest of the night.

The next day I waited for him to pick me up and instead of the white Mercedes, it was a black one. When I opened the door, Noah sat in the back and his brother in the driver's seat. When I got into the car, he smiled awkwardly. “ Hi! i'm Jake, Noah's car isn't working so he asked me to drive you guys.”, “Okay.`` When we reached school, we all got out and walked in together. I felt normal and happy knowing I have more than one friend, and that I said what I'd been dying to say to my dad and Mr. Seawood. I am in my classroom by the time Mr, Seawood comes on, over the coms ``i Need Cloie lying to my office please.” Everyone looked at me. “Sure thing, she'll be right there.” My teacher told the robotic voice of Mr. Seawood. My heart sank with fear and anxiety. “What could he possibly want me for other than to yell at me or expel me.

So I walked to his office and stopped outside the office, and stared at the name tag on the door with Mr. Seawood's name on it. It felt like an hour, but at some point, I had to knock. But I didn't want to. I wanted to go home, to watch TV and not worry about school, the photos, the book, the kids at school. Before I knew it my fist was knocking on the door. The door opened and my father was sitting there. Suddenly my heart sank even farther, and my father slightly gave me a sad smile. My feelings were overloaded and burst out without me thinking.

The next hour we were in Kentucky and I was on my way to the nearest hotel. When I got there my back ached and my head hurt. i wanted to cry, but I was too drained. i played on the bed and let myself slip away into sleep. The next morning I went to the café next door. To get some real food, as I entered I looked at the TV. Everyone was looking at me with shock. A hard hammer of deep feeling dropped over me like a blanket of heavy bricks. Dark, hard heavy, longing. i ran back across the street to the hotel and locked the door behind me; my father was surely looking for me.

My name is a photo with my age, height, weight, hair color, eye color, and gender. I was missing or lost my face on a poster being posted. My father is a twit, a complete idiot. My hatred for him overtook. I quickly packed my things and left the hotel. $237 left. I decided to dye my hair and work out to lose weight. Eventually, no one knew it was me. I was different. I drew people outside of a store to make money. I got an apartment and lived there for a while. Eventually I was happy where I was. One day I got home and looked through the falling apart book and a picture dropped out. It was the one from school that I wanted to know about. (She was so pretty, and the fact that the picture was torn didn't take away from the beauty of the picture. wait… she..). I raced to the bathroom.

She looks just like me.. apparently, my dad lied and said i looked like him, not my mom, of course i didn't care so i didn't pay attention. This woman was my mom, the woman who had twins with two different men. I rearranged her name. it was what I thought was similar. Her name is similar to the one on the back of the picture. Tina lining like Anita ileing, they have the same lettering but different names, my mom was clever she used her school name around Gorge, and her fake name around my dad, and the reason it was familiar to me was that at her funeral the priest said to a lining, instead of Anita lieing.

I'm eighteen, and I haven't seen my dad or Noah in over a year. I never said goodbye to Noah. I bet he hates me. i'm having the same pains i did when i was in highschool, and i haven't been to the doctors in awhile. I pulled a bag out of my closet and put my money, a hoodie, water bottle, and my phone in it. On the bus to the hospital I saw a little girl with her mom. The girl looked familiar. it clicked, the girl I babysat in 8th grade. She looked different, of course, but, why was she here I had to hide my face from Mrs. Conklin, her mom.

When the bus stopped at my stop, I looked over and they were getting off as well, and Mrs. Conklin noticed me. ”

When the bus stopped at my stop, I looked over and they were getting off as well, and Mrs. Conklin noticed me. “Do I know you?” I was so uperpared, ”No, '' I felt a drop of sweat drip off me. My stomach was churning. The fear of being caught intensified and I was on my way out the door and my feet started to fly toward the hospital. My fake ID got me to a doctor's appointment. When I got out with a clean bill of health, I was careful not to let anyone I previously knew see me. When I got on the bus they were gone and there were seats open, so I decided to sit facing the glass, in a seat in the back.

On my way back to my room I spotted a white Mercedes and I felt eyes on me. I look different my hair was darker, my body trimmed. But felt eyes on me I look over to the car to see if some one is inside, A figure sits watching me with trained eyes. The street was empty, other than his wight car sitting and waiting. The street laps flickered on and my anxiety went through the roof. The temptation of seeing him and his eyes, feeling his warmth, taunted me but my fear of seeing my father and my sister and him stoped me from turning and going to him. I walked quickly to my door and opened and closed it without hesitation and locked it tight. As I walked in and still found that there were eyes on me. I turned around to find a dark figure in my living room. Ofcourse he wasnt in his car he came up here to find me. I quickly turned around unlocked the door and opened it. Before I could get one foot out the door his arms wrapped around me, he sunk to the floor with me.

His head on my shoulder and him arms around me. I was panicking and soon he was crying. The tears pushed their way out, “NOAH!” my arms wrapped around him tightly. We sat there crying for hours. Eventually noah picked me up and put me in bed and wrapped me up with a blanket and layed down with me. I felt whole like the other half of me just came back form war. His arms were around me once again and his warm breath on my neck. My mide was somewhere else, he is my half brother, this is wrong. Eventually I fell asleep. When I woke up Noah was in the kitchen making something that smells good. When I got up I noticed that there were more pairs of shoes and jackets in the living room.

I grab my jacket and shoes and bolt out the door when I see my dads jacket. I go to the bus station and wait while the bus pulls up and I get on. When I sit down I someone in a hood walking on the bus. I couldnt see his face but he walked all the way to my seat and sat next to me. He put his hand on my lap. “Sorry princess but Noah said to trail you” It was jake. When the bus stoped at the next station jake got up and let me out. I bolted away out the door. I found the nearest gas station to hide in. I hide in the bathroom so that he couldnt come in to look for me. When I was sure i lost him I crept out of the bathroom and bought my self some icecream.

When I left the gas station, he was standing by the door waiting for me. “How?”

“Noah told me to keep trak of you and I am..” “ But how did you.. I ran and made sure you wernt behind me..” “what can I say? I’m good at what I do..” “What do you mean?” “Nothing.” he walked away and didn’t turn back to see if I was following him, but I did. Eventually he led me back to my apartment. No one but Noah, Jake, and I were there. I appologeticly looked at Noah but he was staring at the ground with a tired face.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t want to see him.” “You have to eventually!” “ No I don’t! You have no right to say what i can and can’t do! Listen I can’t see him, he lied to me! I’m done with it! I turned to leave and he was standing in the door way. “ If that’s how you feel then…” I pushed past his and ran until i couldn’t breath, I ran until I couldn’t walk. By three in the morning I stoped running and sat on the side of the country road i was on and fell asleep. Laying on the cutting grass falling in to a dizzy black hole, I sank away and left to dream of something horrible.

When i woke up i was in my bed and Noah had his arm around me, protecting me. In the corner of the room was dark but i could still see him. Jake a tall handsome ma with a hard face that didnt look anything like Noahs. “ So princess you have awakened.” “How did you find me and get me all the way here?” “ I ran after you and carried you back.” I sat up pushing Noahs arm away as he sharted to rise. I made my way to the kitchen and got a piece of bread and put my shoes on. “ where are you going?” “Some where without you. Don’t worry i’ll come back.” Noah rise and looked at me with a displeased look. “Why?” “ I have to go…” I walked out without anouthe word and set off for the park. When i got there i noticed that I felt eyes on me the same way i did when i was in my street. I instantly looked around for Jake but when i swung around she waa siting there staring with a smirk. “ Hey Cloie, or sis?” Her smirk faded in to a cry and I lunged to grabe her before she sunk down on the mulch.

“I’ve been so mean to you for the last three years not knowing that I was hurting my sister. I’m so sorry! Will you forgive me?” “Ofcourse” After we finished our conversation I took her to my apartment. She fell asleep on my couch and Jake slept on the floor next to it. Noah had the same tired and grossed out look on his face. I went over to him and sat him down on the bed. I sat behind him rubbing his shoulders. “Are you angry at me?” “No… It’s just I tied to make things better then I just made them worse. I can’t stand the fact that you may die not talking to your dad.” “What?” At that moment I relized that I never told him I don’t have cancer. Then it hit me. He does.

“Noah I.. Don’t have cancer. I was miss diegnosed…” He looked at me like he had seen a ghost. “What!” Jake and Nila both woke up and looked at me then Noah. “YOU MEAN THAT I’V BEEN THINKING THAT YOU COULD DIE AT ANY MOMENT AND THAT WE HAD SO LITTLE TIME TOGETHER! I’V BEEN TRYING TO GIVE YOU THE BEST LIFE AND FIX EVERYTHING THATS WRONG!” I was so ashamed that I turned and picked up my bag and pack the little amount of clothes that I had and everything else and left. I know that Jake is just going to drag me back to him but I have to leave I need to give him some space. I got a hotel room and went to bed.

I woke up when there was a knock on my door. I opened the door and looked up at Jake. “Here to collect me?” “Yup.” I wen’t back to my bed and layed down. “Later.. I’m tired.” “You know I’m just going to carry you while you sleep.” I jumped up when I herd someone oming up the stairs. I grabbed my pants and put them on. “I’m not supposed to have guests, and if that who I think it is I’ll get kicked out..” “ your just going to leave in the morning.. Why are you so affraid of that?” “ He’ll charge me more for the room..” “cheap.” I shoved him in my closet and shut the front door. I got to to bed right as there was a knock on the door.

I jumped up and opened the door. “Hello? Do you need something?” “ I thought I herd something from your room. Is someone in there?” He pushed past me and looked in my room. “No” I tried not to sound different than before. He looked back at me and raised an eyebrow. “ Can I check out now?” “Sure, why?” “I’m leaving now.” I went down stairs and checked out and went back up and gathered my things and put them in one back pack. When I went down stairs to the parking lot Jake was standing next to his car with his arms crossed. “Cheap” He repeated but this time i hit him wit the pillow that i had carried in my hands. I jumped in the passenger seat when he got in the drivers seat. When we got to the hotel, my somach was in a knot.

When I got the door of my apartment I herd my dads voice. “I never ment to hurt her.. Her mom cheated on me. That showed when she was in labor. Gorge and I both went to the hospital that day. We both stood in the delivery room. We took DNA tests to see whose kid was whose. Thats why we havent got along. I love my little girl and I couldn’t be happier for her.” When I got into the room my dad looked at me then the floor. He knew I heard him, His face was solid and cold. My tears hot unde my eyes, ready to burst out like rivers. I slowly walked in and sat my dag on the floor and layed down in bed. “It’s Five in the morning, dad go home and sleep I’ll talk with you tommorow.” His face lifted tword me as if to ask if I was kidding. I only looked back at him and put my haed back down and drifted off slowly not as quick as I did in the hotel room.

The pain was Intense and hard to bare. It knock against my side like a bell clapper. Screaming a noah was panicking next to me he put my leggs on a pillow to keep my stomach elevated and my head on his lap. I wasnt sure weather Nila, or Jake was driving but the pain knocked so hard I couldn’t see. I hear Noah crying and jake swearing, Nila whimpering. Noahs on the phone with the hospital, jake on the phone with my dad, and Nila lisening to her dad tell her what to do.

What seemed like an hour later, noah lifted me up and carried me in. He carried me through the emergency room door. “NURSE!” he yelled at a volume that seemed to make my stomach worse. Before I knew it I was In a room and I was being put under anistetic. The pain was starting to fade and and i could bare it. I herd a nurse say that I was stable, and eady to be put under for surgery. My mide started racing, I dont wan’t to under go sugery, not now I don’t wanna die. Before I could protest I was fadeing into sleep. For a slite moment I though that darkness would be the last thing I saw.

My side was aching but not as bad as it was before. The nurses said nobody is allowed to see me until I get stronger and can handle it. To be honest I don’t wan’t to see anyone. One day I called a nurse in. “yes?” “Can I say I don’t wan’t to see anyone and just see them when I get out?” “ofcourse.” I hated the way she looked at me after, like I was a child that didn’t know better. Like I was drifting away in a basket as a baby like Moses did down the nile. Like i’m going to be picked out by someone eventually, but I won’t I’ll just keep drifting Into the red sea untill I starve and die.

By the time I got out of the hospital half of my family was already at my apartment. My aunt’s, cousins, distant relitives I don’t even recall ever seeing before. Mr. seawood, his late wife, Nila, Noah Jake. My dad sat in the corner watching me like a hawk, as if if i so much as sneezd he would take me right back to the hospital. Marley was sitting in my made bed in my bed waiting for me. My dad must have brought him over. When he saw me he started jumping up and down and spinning. He was bigger than before, and he was a darker color peach. He’s as tall as my hip sitting down. I emediantly layed down and cuddled him.

The next day I wen’t in for a doctors appointment to get a diagnosis. When I steped into the room I sat down on the table. My Dad and Noah was with me, Nah standing with his arms crossed leaning against the wall and my dad sitting in the chair across from me. It was dead quiet until the doctor knock and I yelled” Come in!” When she walked in I smiled and said hello. “Hello” She said as she was sitting down on her stool next to me. Her fingers emidiantlly started fly around on her keybord. So we have your results.. She took a breath. “Well from what we under stand you have peritonitis, Its an inflammation of the peritoneum, typically caused by bacterial infection either via the blood or after rupture of an abdominal organ. We have fixed the rupture and we are going to give you some med’s for the inflammation and the bacteria.

When I got outside the air was cold and burned my lungs as it entered, Knowing that I could be fixed opened the world to me. Looking around is like looking at a new world. The car wasnt much different silent and light, hopeful. When I got home my dad got out of the car hugged me and went home, he hadnt gotten sleep in awhile. As I walked up the stairs I remember Noah was behind me and turned tword him in the door way of my room. He had big dark bags under his eyes like my dad. I took his hand and led him into the oom and layed him down in bed.

As I pulled the blanket over him he grabbed me and pulled me in with him. When I woke up I was molded into the curved piece of his body, he was warm and breathing heavy but steady, Long and effortless. His hair was soft and in his face. As I brushed it out of his face he sarted to wake up. His smile was freash and happy, like he had just won the best boyfriend award. He pulled me in closer and fell back asleep.

When It was at lest ten in the morning I got up and ate breakfast, and got dressed. By the time I got back out of the bathroom he was sitting up on the bed. His broad shoulders and sharp jaw line. When he saw me come in he smiled and he began to cry. I put my hair brush down and walked over and sat next to him. “ I just am so angry at my self for yelling at you. For awhile I thought you were going to die and the last words I would have said to you would have been… I just.. Don’t.” His eyes were shimmering with tears streaming down his face making his jawline tighter he kept saying he was angry at himself. I held him until he fell sleep and we sat like that for awhile.

When my dad arrived Noah went and got dressed and brush his teeth. “So are you going to go to collage?” The question hit harder than anything, I was unprepared. I looked at him and decided that I would have to. “Yes.. Are you asking because you want the monet you saved?” “No. I just want to know.” “I applied for CAL Arts. I havet gotten any thing yet. I think I did good on my entrance painting. But I also applied to some back up schools too.” When Noah walked In my dad got up and asked him to talk in privet. When they went into the other room I easdroped.

“So are you planning on living with my daughter?” “yes sir.” Noah replied with no hesitation. “Acually I..pla..n” That was my que to leave and go sit back down. When my dad left Noah looked at me and sat down next to me. “Wanna go somewhere?” That same grin that ignites a fire in my stomach was strong on Noahs face. “I SHOULDN”T HAVE SAID YES!” I screamed over the loud crowds and rides. “AW COME ON YOU WOULDN”T HAVE GOTTEN COTTEN CANDY!”His smirk was bigger than the ferris wheel. “TRUE!” I screamed back. When we got to the the front of the line noah the ferris wheel operator signaled us to enter a car. Noah took my hand an led me in and sat me down,sitting next to me. The car started going up as he looked at me intensely. His hand were on ether side of my face he pulled me in.

His arm went around my waist and pulled me in tighter. Before I realized what I was doing I was stradling his lap kissing him with more vigor every breath. His lips kissing my neck working their way down to my collar bone. He pulled my shirt off and kissed my breasts. “No glass Down here.” He says out of breath pulling me to the floor. His eyes were burning fire into me. He flipped me onto my back and kissed my stomach and worked his way down to my pants. His lips pressed against my stomach as he unclasp my jeans. The hot feeling in my stomach roars at this and my breath is shrotened. “ I .. Don’t want to.. Do this yet…” He looks up from my stomach. I pushed his hands away and for the rest of the ride we were silent.

When we got to my apartment it was too quiet. Noah and I looked at eachother. We crept in to the hallway and i put my hand on the door knob to my room. There’s a faint knocking noise, coming from it. When i turn the knob and swing the door open I’m so stund I couldn’t breath. My dad lays between a women rocking aganst her. My cotton candy is already up and out, when i finish i grab Noah and my things and run out the door faster than the flash.

Noah takes me back to his house and he spoons me till I feel better. “That was something…guess they had the same idea I did.” I look at him over my shoulder with a smirk and roll my eyes. “Can I…?” He says under his breath. I flip to face him my finger automatically goes up to his mouth and traces the side of his face down to his chin. I nod my head and jump on top of him. Our lips are like magnets they won’t stop, he takes his shirt off and mine. His lips on my stomach made my breath heavy, he slides his hand up my leg and before I could make an effort he has my pants off. His fly off without hesitation, All thats left are his boxers, all I have is my bra and underwear. His hands slide up to my waist then up my back into my hair kissing his way up to my mouth. Then back down to my collar bone, his fingers sliding to my bra buckle.

His fingers working slowly at the buckle, when he completely undoes it he slides it slowly off my arms and onto the floor. He slides back down to my stomach, his kissing turns into licking. His tongue following his lips previous path stopping at my chest. He licks one of my breasts, I let out a sigh and and he grins feverishly. I flip over on top of him and kiss his neck, my lips slide back to his lips and he takes both my breasts in either hand and squeezes them. Unprepared I flinched at this, he looks up and kisses my collar bone while squeezing them once more.

His hands slide down to my underwear, his thumb in the waistband pulling down on them. Before they made it down to my hips my hands fly to his boxers pulling them off as he pulls my underwear down. He flips me on the bottom and looks me in the eyes. “Do you want me to go fast or slow?” “slow.” My voice is shaking for him to keep touching me. “ I can’t get you pregnant…” He slowly rocks aganst me, I sigh and gasp at the same time, he’s kissing my neck as he rocks against me again. He pulls away wincing as if in pain. “Are you okay?” “Yeah…I just can’t.. I want this but… I can’t. “ He jumps up and grabs his cloths and goes to his bathroom. I get up and get dressed grab my things and walk to my dads house, I might as well face him now. When I get there the only people here are Nila, and Jake. “ why Was my dad in my apartment…” Nila looks at jake and then at me. “ He was so drunk and he couldn’t drive so he crashed at your place, he aslo brought a women with him..” “ Yeah I could see that..”

I go to my room and flop on my bed ready to drif to sleep. The next morning i don’t remember where i am but after a moment it clicks, I rush out to see if my dads car is in the drive way and when I see it, i get all my stuff together and head to my apartment. Avoiding people is my thing.. I’v never faced my problems…My head hurts and the room is spinning and i can’t see strait. When i fall asleep my body is floating in my bed, and im spiralling into deep black oceans. My eyes fly open and Noah stands in the doorway of my bedroom his arms crossed staring at me while I sleep. “Your dad said you went to his house last night.” “...I…just…I..” I sit up and wait for him to give me an explanation but he stayed quiet. “ My cancer is coming back…” his eyes drift to the floor and tears slide from his eyes. I jump up and come to confort him and I only half way care that i’m in only under wear and a t-shirt. My hands cup around his cheeks and I wipe his tears away. “We’ll get through it.” I say with confidence that I hope hides my doubt.