The Lamentable Ballad of Jason (not the argonaut, but he had a galley, believe it or not)
Hark ye oh,friends and strangers,
A tale there is to speak
About fabled hero,
His name was in old Greek.
I cant remember how it went,
am old and cannot tell,
But this old nameless hero,
was born to raise some hell!!
But this old nameless hero,
was born to raise some hell!!
A shield he had , the hero,
A rifle , smooth of bore
It was a lover's present,
From a forlorn distant shore
With implements like these he marched
Up mountains , down in dale
But he had but one talent only
And that was to raise hell!!
But he had but one talent only
And that was to raise hell!!
His name was Jason, i recall
My mem’ry stirs anew,
I had a fear I'll never know
This noodle’s burnt in stew.
Oh, Jason is the name, at last,
Oh fortune , rung that bell
The smoothbore-rifle’d hero
Who was going to raise hell!!!
The smoothbore-rifle’d hero
Who was going to raise hell!!!
Upon a galley sailed he,
Equipped as I have told,
He knew all kinds of hardships
And often short of gold
Resorted to eat snow and frogs,
and rowed in gusts and quells
Be he did not complain at all
He’s going to raise hell!!
Be he did not complain at all
He’s going to raise hell!!
He rowed the galley by himself,
And thus he sailed in arcs
One side he rowed and then the next
across the splinterin’ planks,
On benches there sat no one, he
pulled oars alone, propel
Cause all the others got the hint
He was going to raise hell!!
Cause all the others got the hint
He was going to raise hell!!
Perhaps I should have mentioned it,
My memory’s not the best
It’s hard for me to keep this up,
And tell you all the rest
Explain I must, and tell it true
Omit no vague detail,
’bout Jason and his rotten ship
In search of raising hell!!
’bout Jason and his rotten ship
In search of raising hell!!
He reached a distant island
Cruel and jagged, rocks and shoals
The waves crash fiercely on him
broke the keel , and breached the hold
but Jason didn’t mind that much,
He jumped into the swell
And brought his rifle and his shield, he
The best to raise some hell!!
And he brought his rifle and his shield
The best to raise some hell!!
My head hurts much , I beg to rest
And help me take some zinc.
The fire dims , the mind goes numb
To recollect and think.
If I could tell this story
as I was once, young and hale
Then surly t’would be smoother
Telling Jason's raisin’ hell!!
Then surly t’would be smoother
Telling Jason's raisin’ hell!!
Awash he was, on blackened shore,
His galley torn and sunk,
There was no light and fiercely cold,
But Jason still had spunk,
He gathered, netting all that washed ,
As waves and thunders knell
and made a cosy fire, he
So cold while raising hell!!
and made a cosy fire, he
So cold while raising hell!!
‘tis awkward, I‘ve forgotten now,
That island’s curse’d name
There were no trees to give him fruit
no kindling to take flame
No mango , no bananas
There’s just sand in the dry well
A test of thirst and hunger,
As he went on to raise all hell!!
A test of thirst and hunger,
As he went on to raise all hell!!
And thus, he, ill-provisioned,
Lips a-cracking he proceed
Along, the shore became a vale
Foreboding his heart plead,
The gravel, black and sharp it was,
A putrid sulfurous smell
He knew at once he was not lost,
He was approaching hell!!
He knew at once he was not lost,
He was approaching hell!!
Upon arriving at the gates ,
Abandoned he all hope
The red horned beast approach’ed
made to tie him with a rope,
But Jason, he did stir and shot
The demon who there dwell,
it was his master that he wants
The boss-man , who raise hell!!
Cause it was his master that he wants
The boss-man who raise hell!!
upon the throne, Beallzebub
her fork tongue flick and flail
Around the dungeon, torture cries,
direction signs in braille,
the learned know, the damned can't see,
through sense of touch they spell
instructions that are written
in the lower decks of hell!!
instructions and directions
in the lower decks of hell!!
now Jason he did bow and kneel
and said 'I've come at last'
this place is gross, and you look bored,
why are you so downcast?
the piece I've got, a smooth- bore rifle,
And a shield O, Belle
but neither is of use to cheer things,
in this disappointing hell!!
but neither is of use to cheer things,
in this disappointing hell!!
the lady, she's a wicked one,
but eager to impress,
the minions sent redecorating,
she wont spare no expense,
and while they hammered, broke the walls
they holed up in her cell,
They matching the cacophony
with randy shrieks of hell!!
They matching the cacophony
with shrieks and cries of hell!!
alas my friends I'm all speeched out,
my throat now hoarse and rough,
i framed in verse this stupid tale,
my affliction was a bluff,
it was no faulty memory,
that brought this artless mell
in rhyming scheme and meter
that should be consigned to hell!!
in rhyming scheme and meter
that should be consigned to hell!!