God’s Light Is Why I Get Out of Bed
Some days are better than some days but, every single day, I wake and get into a mind frame of 'today is the day.' I've always felt both blessed and cursed because I've spent so much of my life running from my purpose. Fighting through all of the times I've looked at myself in the mirror and wasn't happy with what was staring back at me. I ran from love, relationships, and most importantly, God. The distance I created was both painful and eye-opening. It was needed. If I didn't fall flat on my face many times, maybe I wouldn't be able to answer this question now. It's not one I've put much thought into and it can't be answered in one sentence as there is a myriad of reasons. I wake up by the Grace of God and look forward to how I can impact someone else's day in a good way. Asking the Lord to use me as a beacon of hope and a light to someone who may have lost their way. I do it for my true friends in which maybe my presence is enough to keep them going on some days. It became easier when I knew that I wasn't as worthless as I thought. I thought I was some sort of issue for my loved ones. I sought out the wrong things and wanted validation from places that would never grant me the satisfaction. To avenge my grandpa after cancer took him away. I wake up with the thought of making him proud. Would he be proud of who I am today if he saw me? I wake up because I have a little girl to live for. Though she isn't biologically mine, doing things for her and seeing her grow makes my heart smile. To give her the love of a father is all I've ever wanted. I do it for her mother. To show her that love knows no bound and that I am not staying on the phone with ignorance to ignore destiny calling on the other line. I have this goal of turning all of the pain I've caused into happiness. I know that it is in me to be better than I was yesterday. I know that the life I want is out there. I believe in what I'm doing, I have faith, and I trust God more than I ever have and that is something I couldn't have told you before. To see my mom relax and enjoy the rest of her years. The happy expressions of my auntie and cousins. To see my uncles meet me with admiration because I did better than the previous generations of males. To say I made it back to my grandma in better shape than I left. I now have a purpose to give others who are what I used to be a better way of thinking and an example of what a man of God looks like. Don't get me wrong, I was never a bad guy. I was just a waste of talent. I didn't believe in myself enough and that cost me some good years and good relationships. At this current stage in my life, I have the world in the palm of my hands. I must stay diligent and push forward. If I lived for only myself, I would have given up already; died by the waste side, just another number without a face. To be able to unify all races and have peace activated throughout the world through my words is the dream I live. So I don't get out of bed for myself-I do it for everyone else.