Depression comes to me like secondhand smoke comes to kids whose parents leave the cigarette in between their fingers even in the car, I’ve only been hurt by people already dying from the diseases. People whose hearts have already turned the color of a smoker's lungs. I know I am worth more than the hurt of the hurted but man, the punch in the gut I get when he walks into the room. The wind is completely knocked out of me, and the earth stops spinning for just a moment. Not in a I miss him oh how he makes my heart explode way but in a I do not think I'd cry if he stepped on to the street 5 seconds before the walk sign came on. Of course, I wouldn't want him dead but him never being able to use his legs again might just put a tiny smile on my face. Waiting for karma can get kind of exhausting. Accidently and subconsciously watching their life be okay while they left you to pick up the pieces of the puzzle. a puzzle they drove you to the store to buy so yall could solve the puzzle together. A puzzle that was very unfamiliar to you. Especially when they knew they were the first person you had ever bought a puzzle with, yet insisted you get the 1000 piece. Then when the puzzle takes you longer than expected, even the easiest part of connecting the edge pieces - They leave. They no longer want to solve the puzzle. They throw it on the ground. They tell you they'll come back when there no longer busy and then you never speak to them again. My friends say it's for the best and I believe them but part of me wonders how good it would feel to let those two words slip right off my tounge into their eyes. I wonder how good it would feel to let the divinity of my feminine rage make you cry. I am starting to think short men are the spawn of the devil , I neveer met a good one in my life. I am tired of walking on ice , I wanna walk on solid ground . I want depression of my own , not something that reflects the reflection of the person who cause another person pain.