Inside Me
Sometimes
i feel reality slipping through my fingers
there’s a person in my head
looks like me
the real me
as I see myself
this person is sometimes successful
other times, they’re being dragged away by men in white
sometimes they’re screaming at the top of their lungs
a blood-curdling scream
sometimes they’re feral
animalistic and brash
sometimes they’re dead
and when they’re dead
I’m lost and I don’t want to be alive anymore
they usually die after an outburst
and the outburst is happening now
and there’s never a comfort
only the men in white who sometimes take them away for a while
and they come back successful again
in a suit
happy
I say they because sometimes I’m a man and sometimes I’m a woman
that “inside me”, I mean
it isn’t real
but I do see it in my mind’s eye
when I lost my child
for years the men in white would hold my arms and I never stopped screaming
until they took me away and I came back
but I don’t want them to take me.
they won’t if they don’t hear the outburst
my heart is exploding
my little person is about to birth a little person of their own
so our emotions can be safe
in layers of imaginary people who express themselves within
and never without