March 22, 2023
Dearest Brain,
The sh!t show this morning before work, regrettable, so sorry! things terribly unsettled in thinking... naturally I felt my hand was being forced, though most likely it was just so that the opportune time had surfaced, no? 8 AM the response, just as my Supervisor arrived at the Ward for unexpected support ...much to the relief of my anxiety about the work day ahead. I congratulate myself of course on being so punctual and clever in your regard! Eight for the overturned infinite wait; the A M for seizing these early hours. Your waking up noted at 12:23. (jk I know you were busy!)
B-- thanks so much for the nod in continuing these writes without undue hesitations. It is true that we turn to the comfort of strangers sometimes when things seem too ugly to address amid those closest to us. I quickly add that strangers can become dear in duration, and remind that you have enlisted freely with the understanding that we can take flight at anytime, any of us. The Stella reference apt... my thinking of course on a tangent as per usual, when facing the carte Blanche and the unknown in writing :)
But Brain-- you have of course no eyes or ears, if there is no conduit electric, neural, or telepathic! You require a channel, like myself, and I promised to describe the Cathedral tonight... though perhaps you're still parsing the previous paragraphs above?! lol
But do let's move on... The fabulous Cathedral forms one of several wings of our Institution. The Institution, you will understand, has its branches across the City in schools, community centers, and various churches; and our division is housed in the top most floor of one of the most impressive structures downtown. With its massive block construction, stained glass windows, and sweeping stone steps, the Cathedral is grand and shockingly modern. It mimics a certain unidentified Epoch, and it's difficult to ascribe to it any particular "style." It is simply opulent, cold, and imposing, and like an entity of influence, conjures the "meanness of inanimate objects." Today I was admitted no problem. But there are days, the coldest of days, when my hi-tech swipe card is received with contempt. I swipe and the green little light blinks, and then I discern in the resultant onomatopoeia that there will be no forth coming admittance. Of course then I bang on the mechanism, hoping for the lock to release. (It is shocking how in 4023 things are still so torpidly physical.)
This denial of entry happened to me yesterday. I arrived in my M2 (so much like my Mazda2, but now of course they have perfected the Hover:) It was dark. I was within my typical time block of arrival, between 7 - 7:30 in the morning. The lot was empty per usual. I glided to the door with my briefcase in hand and swiped... Eeeeh. I tried the lock nevertheless... feeling already defeated. Sure enough, stuck. I see myself like in a dream, only I am of course not sleeping-- I am banging on this unrelenting red framed glass door. Naturally later I looked it up; in dream ology the imagery is inferred to mean "YOU HAVE A LARGE PERSONAL PROBLEM." Well, the message could not have been any clearer, seeing how it was that I am fully awake, and this is the nth time it has happened! Fact: I have serious doubts about my workload at the Institution....
But I am nothing if not resolved, so I problem solve on the spot... I neglected to mention B-- that we enter the building routinely from the parking lot side door, rather than the main entrance. The actual grand arched red double doors (two of them set side by side) are to be sure bolted from the inside. But there is an office entry through standard window paneled doors to the right, complete with second swipe card slot... So I hike around the side of the Cathedral and try my luck from this front; and I'm in, thanks God. You know how I hate to waste time; and I am pleased at the little observation/ illustration afforded in the process. It is an interesting thing you should know B--- that I seldom ever Dream. My waking is as if already endowed with perceived synchronistic irrationality, as to make Reality itself fantastically Surreal.
Well, we have made it inside the Cathedral, and tomorrow I will try to take you up the magnificent stairs... we climb three flights up and down several times a day, individually and as a group... However, Thursday, I will actually be off site as the selected 16 are going on vacation till the 3rd of next month, and the ptsd employees will have what is referred to as "Professional Development..."
I hope you are well B. Good XNight from this side <3:) The Warp.