From Her, Back to Her

Long ago and far away, I let a fire start

not knowing it would come to life in a hot and powerful blaze

with a volume and intensity that scared my youthful heart

and left me unsure what to do, half-blinded by the haze.

I’d seen the pain of broken hearts—a lesson sadly learned

when my parents’ marriage failed; they were no longer husband and wife.

I chose to run away instead of letting the fire burn,

and thinking that the flames had died, I moved on with my life.

We met again, after some time, and that was when I learned

just how badly she’d been hurt, by my selfish and immature choice.

Even then, I’d been a fool, and let the guilt I’d earned

deprive us of what might have been, had I not listened to its voice.

Eventually I settled down, got married and had kids

I truly thought I’d be okay with warmth, instead of flame.

For many years I made it work, as people often did,

but the kids grew up, we were alone, and nothing was the same.

A heart attack at forty-nine was scary and changed my view,

then a broken back cost me my job… my future wasn’t bright.

When my wife left me, I turned to God and asked him what to do.

He set my feet on a different path, and I found I needed to write.

A vivid dream helped me unearth a novel in record time,

that little book hit number one and proved that God was right.

Next, I studied classical poetry, and formal metric rhyme,

and honed my graphic design skills, so I could bring my poems to life.

My skill improved with the talent He gave, and the poetry book did well

I was alone, but loneliness was never on my mind,

I focused on my writing for there was many a story to tell,

not knowing that God had a plan of his own, and a jewel for me to find.

While scrolling social media, I came across her name,

the girl I’d hurt by running away from that love that burned so strong.

Decades had passed, and we’d both grown but now I fondly recalled that flame,

so I took a chance and said hello and hoped that she’d respond.

To my surprise, she wrote me back, and we caught up just a bit.

I truly felt forgiveness, for she’d never built a wall.

But another six years would come and go, before the Lord saw fit

to intervene, and fatefully, she asked me if she could call.

She called me and I heard her voice. That’s really all it took

for me to need to learn if she was happy now, and whole.

It truly was a shock to me, when I turned around and looked

inside my heart and found an ember glowing within my soul.

It was comforting to reconnect, and I think God has a plan

I truly feel that she was meant to be part of my world.

She makes me feel alive and want to be a better man,

for I see inside the woman she is, the same sweet passionate girl.

To be quite honest, I should be scared, my history’s not so great…

I tried to make a marriage work, but let it fall apart,

and at my age I’m hoping that, for love it’s not too late.

Surprisingly though, I’m not afraid, and I’ve opened wide my heart.

It’s so surreal, the speed and strength with which this feeling’s bloomed.

The ember, fanned to life again by her laughter and inner light,

is burning in my heart and soul, and I’m praying there is room

inside her busy life, to see if this time, I can get it right.

There are lots of obstacles, that I know must all be faced,

but I’m all in, and willing to take all the time we need

to sort them out, for slow and steady might just win the race

toward a happiness I think could be if we nurture this new seed.

There are some things I can promise her, forever and a day:

I will not run away this time, or ever break her heart,

and I will speak only honesty in every word I say,

no matter where we go from here, together, or apart.

I truly hope this bubbling love inside me gets to grow

and I can prove to her that I’m no longer any threat

to her and all the happiness I pray she gets to know,

as we both work to learn about a world we’ve not seen yet.

No one knows what tomorrow will bring, but I know this much is true:

we need to listen when God’s in charge, and I feel Him telling me

to trust in Him and let Him show me what I need to do

as He guides us to the future He’s chosen, and where He wants us to be.

I don’t have all the answers yet, I only know that now

I’ve found her once again and I am never, ever letting go

unless she tells me to step away. But I’m pretty sure somehow

that she wants us to find out too if that fire can once again glow.

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© 2023 - dustygrein