Too much death
I squandor,
tripping over every word,
something comes out,
but does it have soul,
does it speak,
in the tongues of masters,
or in the brain of the fools
or in the shame,
shame once again,
brings it in,
I am nothing without meaning,
in essence,
I am left to dust.
Living creatures,
the inevitably of decay,
and death scares me,
i cower before an unkown future,
something just doesn't make sense,
See this is why I throw out the idea of fate,
what are the chances of me existing in the first place?
slim to none,
and yet each counting second,
fuck fuck fuck,
i could die,
imagine, sat at my desk,
pain in my chest,
fuck I am only 32, then I realise,
Anxiety, anxiety anxiety
but it those not heed, comes back tenfold,
anxiety, creeps under my skin,
fools me in to thinking,
am i hungry?
or do i just need to pee,
or is something worse going on,
which leaves me to believe,
that even though,
I am scared of death,
lying awake at night,
wondering what will stop my heart
and this could be the last thing I ever think,
Not saying to my partners that,
I love them,
would they know,
yes everyday you remind them of the love,
that fills my aging cup until it cracks,
until i wither aware from old age,
still aware of there love,
this is a cruel world we live,
leaping into the realm known as death.