Your Absence Is Important to Me
Now that our time is over, at least for a full month (I purposely chose one with 31 days), I ask that you stay on the line a bit longer to take a brief survey of your time with me.
Press 1 for Yes and 2 for NO.
1. Thank you. Your answers and information will be used for training purposes.
For your answers:
Press 1 for: Definitely, of course
Press 2 for: Somewhat, but I'm conflicted
Press 3 for: It's hard to tell, ask me when you come back
Press 4 for: Get the fuck outa here, are you kidding?
Press 5 for: ...and the horse you road in on
Press 6 for: I'm gonna make an amber alert on you or whatever the hell color you call yourself
Press 7 for: Can I say I'm you from now on or until you get back? Can I have your bitchin' ride?
Press 8 for: You never cared about me, you inconsiderate sonofabitch
Press 9 for: When you come back I'm gonna stab you
Press 9-1-1 for: When you come back.
THE QUESTIONS:
Do you feel you have gotten to know me well enough to understand why I left?
Do you know that it's people like you who were the main determinants of my desperate plan?
Do you know your total lack of faith in me drove me to my sensory deprivation escape?
Do you care to know me or do you simply not care? (Careful, that's a trick question.)
Don't you think we're way past that? (Careful, that's a rhetorical question.)
Do you think that I think that you think I think less now than before you thought of me? (Careful, that's an unanswerable question.)