The Last Way

What left is there for me to do?

And now, the end is near, all the years I have worked, all the plans I have made, doesn’t mean anything any longer.

So, I face the final curtain before all goes dark around me. And in the last moments my friends, I’ll say it clear, that you full well understand, so that before you, you will know I’ll state my case of which I’m certain.

Yet, for all that I have done, there is but one thing I have lacked, one thing I have longed for, and it has been within my grasp, only to slip away like a feather blown away in the breeze.

I’ve lived a life that’s full, yet my heart and soul remains empty. I have traveled the world ten times over, traveled each and every highway, yet she alludes me like a filmy ghost staring back at me through a mirror, but one thing you or anyone else cannot say is wrong; I did it my way.

We both know I’m not perfect, but then, who is? I have regrets, but then, too few to mention. After all, now doesn’t seem to be the time to really look back and make any amends.

Throughout my life, I did what I had to do. In the beginning it was just to keep from drowning. but as time traveled, I realized I saw it through without exemption.

It was then, when I was finally within reach of all my plans and goals, where I planned each charted course, being smart enough, not to waiver or fold for fear of failure, but rather take the time to take each careful step along the byway, and more, much more than this, no one will ever be able to say, I didn’t do it my way.

Now, in these final hours or perhaps minutes ... yes, there were times, I’m sure you knew what was going on inside me, but you never questioned my motives. Especially when I bit off more than I could chew. You would just stand off to the side, nodding your head when I gave you something to do and you went on about the business at hand.

But through it all when there was doubt, I never relented, did I? I never backed off or down. I ate it up and spit it out. I faced it all in my life and still managed to come out on top because I stood tall in the face of what I was up against.

I have pretty much run the gauntlet in life. After all, I’ve loved, I’ve laughed and cried, but when she went away, I vowed I had had enough. I’ve had my fill, my share of losing, and swore I would never let love invade my being ever again. Once was more than enough for me.

Yet, even after what, almost fifty years? If she were to walk back into my arms, I wouldn’t say a word. And yes, I would take her back that quickly for I never stopped loving her.

Still, as tears subside, in a small sense, I find it all so amusing because, just imagine it if you will. With all I have accomplished in life; to think, I did all that, without hesitation. Oh no, oh no, not me because I vowed a long time ago, I would do things my way.

Now, I am here in my last moments of life, and I ponder life’s big prank on me, for what is a man, what has he got to show for all he has done, knowing when the light goes dark one last time, you become nothing more than a memory.

Let’s face it, if not himself, then he has naught and perhaps that is the last deciding factor before life is snubbed out.

To say the things he truly feels, whether believed or not, but know these words are not from one who kneels. I have been knocked around and knocked down until it came my turn. When it did, suddenly the world changed for me. For the records shows, I took the blows and yet, I did it my way.

Your last official act is to follow the directions in the envelope and make absolutely certain everything written is followed to the letter. You must find her for me. Tell her I am sorry. And that all I have remaining, is hers.

It is my way of saying ... each heart beat I have, beats for no one but her.

Now go. I need to close my eyes and sleep, perhaps for the last time.