mom

I know that I will never be good enough for you. I never have been even when I was a child and all you had to do was love me and show me the way nothing I ever did seemed to please you. But sometimes I wonder what I did or what was so wrong with me that you couldn't love me, why you hated me so much. I wonder was it the ADHD, the depression, the anxiety? What was it that was so wrong with me that you my own mother couldn't stand me. All I ever wanted was for you to love me. Was to have the relationship with you that other girls have with their moms. To be able to come and talk to you when things got hard or I was going through something. But I couldn't talk to you about anything because everytime I opened my mouth you made me feel like I was a burden. Like there was something wrong with me. Like I was unwanted and in the way. Like everything that ever happened was my fault. But it was never like that with the boys. They were perfect in your eyes. Everytime they made a mistake that's exactly what it was, a mistake. When I did you always said it was on purpose that it wasn't a mistake I was just going out of my way to make your life harder. I did everything I could to try to make you happy and it was never enough. I was never enough.