A Fluttered Future

I feel that life is a series of butterfly effects. The mystical butterfly that creates these effects is a unique species known as Possibility. Now, when Possibility flutters her wings it creates a ripple effect of all that can be, should be, desired to be, or will be in a person's life. Possibility's wings can be magnificently, peacefully, beautiful. Conversely, Possibility's wings can also create ripple that are dark, ugly, and marbled with chaos' ever threatening lightening storms. Most of us will experience an intertwined combination of Possibility's beauty laden ripples and it's dark, frothing ripples. Each flutter of Possibilities wings will create ripples in the surface of who we are. As these ripples reach their terminus, Possibility will flutter her wings again and a new ripple of all that can be, should be, or will be in a person's life is created.

The ripples created by the movement of Possibilities wings will often intersect with the ripples belonging to other souls. These meetings may lead to a whole new flutter of Possibility's wings which in turn creates comingled ripples. The ripples may also compete against each other striving to be the dominant current. The winner may succeed in pinning Possibility's wings to her side, robbing the loser of the chance to experience new ripples. It could also manage to stifle her or restrict her ability to fully extend her wings so that only the smallest ripples can be created, limiting the impact of all that can be, should be, or will be for the loser.

For me, the ripples of my parents comingled, but not in a positive way. The combining of ripples with my parents experience was closer to cancer cells replicating to create a tumor. As a result, I inherited the weights of mental illness, anger, and self-hatred which weighed down Possibility's wings. No ripples were created for me. Instead, I was caught in the chaotic ripples of my mom's mental illness', bad choices, and contentment to live in poverty. During those rare times when I was cast away from the flotsam and jetsam of her sickly ripples, I found myself floundering in the ripples of peers who found satisfaction in beating Possibility in front of me. Disabled, "You can't play with us because you're a cripple." Disabled, "You're a special ed case. Stay away we don't want to catch your stupid." Poor, "Your clothes are old and dirty." I was about 10 years old when I became caught in the ripples of a teacher. For the first time ever, Possibility's wings were able to flutter just a little. Though small, shaky, and uncertain, these ripples were my own and maybe, the next flutter would be stronger.

Possibility's wings did grow stronger, but were still weighed down by my mental illness, lack of self worth, and weak sense of where the next ripples may lead. In the darkness, I decided to end my ripples and send Possibility away. Once again, the ripples of others saved me and Possibility's wings grew a bit lighter.

Now, it must be noted that Possibility need not point in one direction. She can move and does so to shift her foundation, to give her wings the chance to flutter in a changing wind. The dark ripples of my life must have been displeasing to Possibility because she shifted directions just a bit. Though the foul ripples remained, they added a push and then faded into clearer, stronger ripples. The ripples of abuse, poverty, mental illness, and cruelty flowed into and strengthened ripples of kindness, diligence, passion, and because of the slight brush against the ripples of compassion I encountered from others, a desire to give back.

The next flutter of Possibility created strong ripples of healing, a hunger for knowledge, and a desire to terminate the ripples of addiction in others. These ripples led to another flutter which led to a degree in substance abuse counseling. From here, flutters led me to finish college and towards a career helping others. Possibility's wings may not always create crystal clear ripples and sometimes the ripples it creates may become a bit dark. Still, there is always another soul's ripple out there that if brushed against can make Possibility shift just enough to send future ripples in a better direction.