God, God

“What the fuck’s up, man?”

God stepped out of his car. I’m out of mine.

“Why’d you stop like that?” I asked. “You had time to go, I had time to go. That yellow light stayed yellow for a while.”

“It was gonna turn red. Are you kidding me? Why are you even arguing with me right now?”

“Because you’re a lousy fucking driver, that’s why!”

“What’d you just say to me?”

“I said you’re a fucking lousy driver.”

“Fuck you, you hit my car!”

“It’s not like it’s gonna kill you or anything, I’m the one in harm’s way!”

“Good!”

“No, not good! You were gonna have me killed.”

“If I planned for you to die, you would’ve.”

“So you’re just making my life harder?”

“I gave you free will and you used your only bit of freedom to ram into my car.”

“You stopped at a yellow light!”

“Yes, because it was going to be red, which means I can’t go.”

“You can go at a yellow light.”

“Not when you can prevent it. You’re supposed to slow down, isn’t that right?”

“Yes, and I understand that.”

“Because I was slowing down due to the yellow light, I came to an eventual stop at the line, not speeding up to go past the light because you’re supposed to slow down.”

“But you could have made it. That’s what you’re not understanding. You could have made that light no problem, you should know that. How do you not know that?”

“Because it doesn’t matter. When I gave people free will they went and did things like build roads and create police departments to boss people around. They also made yellow lights. I’ve lived in this country for a year now, and if I’ve made everyone follow all my rules then I suppose I must follow the law of the land.”

“This is absolute bullshit. You’re not God. No God would create an accident like this, they’d do what they could to prevent it.”

“I followed the law. At a stop sign you slow down, correct?”

“I pass if I’m able, otherwise yes.”

“Then I did nothing wrong and we need to call the authorities for running into me.”

“I accidentally hit you because you slowed down too fast at a non-red hit that we both could’ve made. I assumed you would go and you didn’t. You had the opportunity and decided to brake check me, and guess what. I failed.”

“So you admit this is your fault?”

“Fuck no, this isn’t my fault. It is your fault for coming to a complete stop at a light that wasn’t red.”

“You make no sense. I hope you realize that.”

“Fuck you, you’re not making any sense.”

“Hey, be glad you hit me and not anyone else.”

“I wouldn’t have hit anyone else because anyone else would have made that light.”

“Do you get into car accidents often?”

“This is my first one. Thank you for totaling my car, piece of shit.”

“Call the cops, bring them here, explain your side of the story. Good luck.”

With this, God got back in his car. The entire time we had been at the scene of the accident, not moved to the side of the road. When I got back into my car to retrieve my insurance number, I looked out at God’s car. It had absolutely no marks. I found this peculiar. I grabbed my insurance papers and walked to re-check the damage to my hood.

There was none.