Help Not Required

(Ok so half way through i realised this was kinda similar to another peice i wrote a while ago but hopefully this version is better?? lol idk)

Monica knocks on Jack’s office door, a stack of papers in hand, she wishes so much that this was a social call but she has so much to get done, they both do. “Yeah”? Jack answers nonchalantly,. Monica pushes the door open with her arm and slams the stack of papers down on the table nearest to her: “Ugh thank goodness for that”. Jack laughs: “Hello to you too”. “Sorry, Jamie’s been up my ass about”- She stops suddenly, looking up at him, he’s got a tiny cut on his face, just underneath his eye, it’s not as noticeable as the other’s he’s had: “Again Jack”? Jack shrugs: “What”? “You know what“. She shuts the door behind them “How long are you gonna keep letting her hurt you like this”?! “I don’t know what you’re talking about, what were you saying about Jamie being on you”? Monica sighs, going over to him, crouching down and slowly reaching out to touch the cut, it still looks fresh and feels as though the blood is only just starting to dry, but he doesn’t flinch, wordlessly, Monica crawls over to the mini fridge in the corner of the office, going to the freezer compartment and pulling out some ice, wrapping it in a cloth and going back over to Jack, only then does he move away from her: “What are you doing you said Jamie was up your ass”. “That doesn’t matter right now does it”? She tries to place the ice pack on Jack’s face but he backs away again: “Course it does”. He answers, going to type something on his computer but Monica takes his hands: “Jack”… She whispers softly. Jack swallows: “Don’t make me open up, not again, i’m so sick of talking about it, can’t I just have one day where I don’t think about it”? “Where I can pretend it’s not happening”? Monica nods, despite how desperately she wants to drag him out of the situation kicking and screaming: “Ok, just let me do this, I won’t say a word I promise”. She slowly touches under Jack’s eye with the cloth of ice: “Hows that”? he nods: “Yeah, soothing”. She smiles. They sit in silence like that until the swelling goes down. Monica places the ice pack on the table in front of them and goes to the other side of the room to begin work: “Thanks Mon”. Monica smiles: “Anytime”.

“Hows it going”? Jack asks 20 minutes later. Monica groans: “Ugh there’s just so much”! Why can’t she do some of this marking it’s her class after all I was only supervising”! Jack laughs again: “Pretty sure it’s called delegation”. Jack answers using air quotes, Monica rolls her eyes: “Can she do that”?! Jack shrugs: “Who knows, but let’s face it Jamie Mitchell never plays by the rules, and as long as we’re getting paid extra who cares”? Monica sighs: “Typical Jack, always looking on the bright side”. Jack raises his coffee cup to her and she smiles: “How about you”? “How’s yours coming”? “Not bad, I got into this one student’s story about a broken finger that talked”. Monica makes a face and Jack cackles, passing her the paper. Monica reads through it, making a disturbed face before passing it back to Jack: “Let me guess, Allie G right”? “How did you know”?! “Oh i’ve heard how out there her imagination can be”. She sags in her seat: “I wish I got to mark the English Lit students instead of all this science crap”. She complains, flipping through her pile: “Sorry Mon”. “Mm”. “Let me give you a hand”. He holds out a hand expectantly: “Really”? “Yes really, least I can do”. Monica tips her head back in relief: “Jack you effin life savour”! “This is why I love you”. They both freeze: “Sorry… I didn’t mean- well… I mean I did but”- “it’s fine Mon”. Monica sighs, handing him some of her stack of papers.

A few more minutes pass and both of them have only a couple of papers loft to mark: “Break time I think”. Monica declares putting her pen down across her final few sheets: “Agreed”. Jack replies doing the same: “Thanks for the help, I wouldn’t even be half way through if it wasn’t for you”. He smiles: “Of course, besides like I said it’s the least I could do”. She smiles back at him: “I’ll have to return the favour at some point”. Jack smirks then remembers himself and clears his throat: “No need”. Monica’s face falls a little: “I erm… I told Steve I couldn’t go out with him on Saturday”. “Why”? “You know why, and I know what you said but it doesn’t mean I have to live a lie you know”? “Unlike me you mean”? “I didn’t say that”. “You didn’t have to”. “Jack if you wanna pretend things aren’t how they are that’s your prerogative alright but you can’t do it forever”. “It’s just for a day”. “But its not though is it”? “You’ve been pretending for the past two years that Taylor isn’t”- “Don’t say it”! Jack interrupts lifting a hand to silence her, she sighs: “And you’ve been pretending for the past two months that you’re not in love with someone else”. Jack swallows: “I love Taylor”… She nods: “I know you do, but does she love you”? He falls silent, weighing up her words: “She does… she isn’t always like that… you know, i’m almost numb to everything now, sometimes… sometimes I don’t even feel it, I don’t even care, sometimes…. Sometimes, I think it’s worth it, because after all the fights, all the shouting, all the times she’s hurt me… everything just melts away, every day is like our honeymoon, and it feels peaceful and safe and we laugh, and we communicate properly, it’s like none of the other stuff exists, I know it sounds pathetic, b-but I need her, I don’t wanna be alone with my thoughts, they scare me”. Monica sighs, crossing the room, crouching down in front of him and taking his hands in her’s again: “I know that’s how it feels, but we’ve talked about this remember”? ”She’s manipulating you into thinking you can’t survive without her so she can keep controlling you”. He looks down at his lap: “Maybe”… He mumbles before looking back up at her: “But she does love me, I-I know she does, I mean…. She wouldn’t be trying so hard to keep me around if she didn’t would she”? “She wouldn’t work so hard to make things up to me if none of it was real”. Monica sighs again: “Baby that isn’t love… come on you know what love feels like don’t you”? “Love is what I feel every time I look at you, what I know you feel every time you look at me, love is what I know we both feel every time we kiss”. Jack shakes his head: “Don’t say things like that-“ “Love is wanting the best for each other, making the other feel safe and seen and heard and valued, love protects”- “Taylor is protective”! “No she’s possessive there’s a difference, and can you honestly tell me she wants the best for you”? “Because someone who wants the best for you, who really loves you wants you to be happy, and are you”? There’s a pause: “She’s trying, it’s not like this is an every day thing, A-and we’ve been going to therapy, she’s a lot less quick tempered than she used to be”. Monica’s eyes land on the cut just underneath Jack’s eye: “Don’t look at it, it doesn’t hurt, I told you, I don’t even feel it anymore”. “If she’d hit you in the eye you would have, what’s it gonna take Jack”? “You lying dead on the floor one day”? Jack remains silent for a longer moment this time: “At least I’d be with my mum”. The words leave his mouth so quietly Monica has to do a mental double take, but Jack looks less tense, almost relieved to have finally been able to give voice to what he’s been thinking for months. Monica swallows, she can feel the urge to burst into tears bubbling up within her but she pushes past it: “Please don’t say that”. Jack shoots up: “Why not”?! “It’s the truth, my mum was the only person I ever felt safe with and she’s not here”! Monica stands up too: “You’re safe with me”. “But i’m not though am i”?! “Every time we’re together i’m worried about someone finding out, that it’ll get back to Taylor, that Taylor’ll do something to you and i’ll lose you”. “Jack that isn’t gonna happen”- “You don’t know that, and it’s not even just that, I told you I was sick of talking about it and yet here we are”! Monica sighs: “You’re right, i’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said the L word I just”…. She lowers her head: “I just missed telling you that’s all”. “Love is also understanding Mon, and you don’t you don’t understand”. “Then tell me”. Jack’s eyes begin to water: “My mum was the only person I could trust, I talk to my dad maybe once a month and he never wastes an opportunity to let me know what a disappointment I am, I haven’t got any other family around, my friends are either busy with their own lives or have cut me off completely, where would I go”? “What would I do”? “i’ve got no money that’s not her’s too so she could probably track my bank activity”- “Jack”… “No, no you’ve got no idea, i’d be all alone with my thoughts, thoughts about how worthless and stupid I am”! “But you’re not”- Monica answers, carefully approaching him. Jack’s breathing quickens: “Every time… e-every time I think about… l-leaving i”…. Jack’s breathing becomes shorter and shorter until he’s practically gasping for air, Monica grabs hold of his hands trying to steady him: “I… can’t…. I can’t breathe”…. “It’s ok, just take it nice and slowly ok”? Jack nods. Monica takes a few deep breaths encouraging Jack to do the same, after a few moments of this he begins to sob: “I’m sorry Mon…. i’m sorry i’m not strong enough”…. He sinks to the floor and she wraps her arms around him, enveloping him in a tight hug.

After a while Jack pulls away: “We should get back to it or Jamie’ll be up both our asses”. He chuckles: “I need you to know a few things first Jack”. “Monica please don’t make me say something i’ll regret”. Monica shrugs: “Ok fine, just let me say this and if you never wanna talk about it again we won’t”. Jack sighs: “Fine”. “First of all you are strong”. “No i’m not, that’s why I just had a panic attack at the mere thought of”- He breaks off, taking a steadying breath: “Second”? “You wouldn’t be on your own, i’d be here”. Jack swallows: “For how long”? “As long as you wanted”. “What if that was a really long time”? She smiles: “I’d love nothing more Jack, and we wouldn’t even have to sneak around, and i’d never let Taylor find out about us you know that, even if she did, I can more than handle her”. Monica smiles hopefully at him: “I’m sorry, i’m not trying to rush you I just…. You might not feel very valuable right now but I promise you you are, your mum would wanna see you live life to the fullest, so please don’t give up ok”? “I”- Suddenly the office phone rings, making them both jump, Jack reaches across the table to answer it: “Hello”? “Yeah sorry no I had to push that meeting back”. “25th”. He laughs: “Don’t let her here you say that or you won’t get that raise you’ve been gunning for all year”. He laughs again: “Ok i’ll tell her, ok, thanks, bye”. He hangs up before turning back to Monica: “That was Steve”. Monica’s face falls: “Oh”…. “Yeah, he wanted to know about the meeting for next term’s new students”. A tense silence surrounds them: “You should give him another chance, tell him Saturday’s back on”. “Is that really what you want Jack”? He lets out a long breath before placing a hand on Monica’s cheek, running his thumb up and down it: “There are so many things I want Mon, so many things I need, so many things that are out of my reach because i’m such a coward”. “No you’re not”. He nods: “Yes I am, and that’s ok, like I said Taylor and I are in counselling now, it isn’t like we’re not working on our issues”. “But”- “And if she does kill me… at least i’ll be free, and i’ll be with my mum, and I won’t be looking over my shoulder all paranoid, coz even if I do”- He stops, the word suddenly stuck in his throat like he could choke on it: “Even if I tried to move forward, i’d never be free of it, not up here”. He places a finger to his head with his free hand: “I’d always be scared she’ll find me, or that it’ll happen again with someone else, or that she’ll hurt you”. Monica looks like she might be about to interject so he continues: “And I know you said you could handle her, but I don’t wanna take that risk, i’ll never be able to trust anyone ever again”- “You can trust me”. Monica whisperers back, Jack shakes his head: “No I can’t , i’m sorry, if I can’t trust my family and friends to stick by me, if I can’t trust Taylor, how am I supposed to trust you”? Monica’s lip quivers: “How can you say that”? “I’m nothing like her, i’d never hurt you, ever”. “I know you wouldn’t physically, but how do I know you won’t leave like everyone else does”? “How do I know you won’t get sick of me”? “Jack I swear to you from the bottom of my heart”- He shakes his head: “You can’t make that kind of promise Mon, and that’s ok too”. “Jack”… “No Mon, do you have any idea how loud the silence is sometimes”? “When she won’t talk to me for days at a time”? “You know what hurts way more than any insult, any punch, any kick”? “The ache in my chest when I think about life without her, at least this way I know what i’m getting, there’s at least some safety in that, at least I won’t feel like i’m jumping out of a plane without a parachute, besides, if I can keep her happy and we keep doing everything they taught us in therapy, there’ll be no problems”. He wipes away the tears that slowly fall down Monica’s face: “I’m sorry baby”. He whispers softly: “i’m not crying for me, i’m crying for you, can’t you see how messed up this is”? He shakes his head: “I don’t care, so no more wasting tears over me ok”? He gives her a small smile: “You work on things with Steve and i’ll work on things with Tay and let’s go back to just being friends ok”? “I miss how things used to be before we stupidly decided to complicate them”. They both let out sheepish chuckles: “S-so… friends yeah”? “You still want me in your life at least”? “Of course, i’d never just cut you off Mon you know that, besides, I need all the friends I can get right now”. Monica gives a reluctant sigh and nods: “Ok”… She leans in, half expecting Jack to jerk away but when he doesn’t she kisses him softly, despite himself he pulls her closer wrapping his arms around her waist, his hands travel up and down her back making her shiver, finally they pull apart: “I’m right here if you change your mind”. He tucks a strand of hair behind her ear: “Thank you, for everything… I love you too by the way… i’m so glad you know that”. She smiles: “Of course I do”. He kisses her forehead, making her heart flutter, and somewhere deep inside she knows this won’t be the last time.