Take that, wine snob

Oh, you're a wine snob, are you? Here, hold my beer! It's Belgian Lambic, craft-brewed in Bever, a small, Dutch-speaking town, 40km southwest of Brussels, by Johan Janssen, a German immigrant brewer, with 1/8 French blood on his mother's side, who learnt his craft by apprenticing to master-brewer of Brussels. The grist was 63 percent barley, hand-selected from a farm in Konya, Turkey. The rest was a rare variety wheat, imported from Latvia. A mixture of aged traditional Coigneau hops, mixed with local Aalst hops were used for flavour. For the first year, it was aged in chestnut sherry barrels, and then matured for a further 3 years in old, oaken port barrels. It was then mixed with 10 percent of a traditional lambic brewed by Boon, and 5 percent of a sweetened lambic by Timmermans, to get the final blend, which was matured for a further two years, before making its way into my glass.

That will do. I'll have it back now.

Author's note: I have no background in beer production, so this required a lot of hasty research into brewing, and lambic production in particular (very interesting actually, tbh). I have done my best to make it realistic, but if you know more than me, please let me know if I've said something really daft.