F U

Everything is you.

Every scent. Every sight. Every sound. It all reminds me of you.

The ticks and tocks of the clock reminds me of your laugh and it makes me feel like the bird in the center, cuckoo. It makes me crazy.

Every window that I pass I swear on the stars that your smile is reflected back at me. It makes me dizzy.

I smell your cologne on every stranger and when I gaze into their face I see you again. You are they. They are you. It makes me feel so damn ill.

At night when I try to rest, visions of you swim on the insides of my eyelids.

When I finally get to sleep you are the star in all of my dreams. You are the focus in all my nightmares too. They is no limelight to share. It's all you.

When I wake, the first thing I see is you painted on my ceiling. I turn over and catch a glimpse in the mirror. Instead of my reflection it's you.

Everything I write is about you. You are the exposition. You are the climax. You are the resolution.

All the characters meld into you. You are the hero. The foil. My antagonist.

I want to be free. I want to be wild. I want to be carless.

But I can't move on when all I feel is you watching me.

When I turn around to catch you there is nothing behind me. Not you. Not anyone.

I want apathy.

If only one thing all I have to say to you is fuck you.

Fuck you for keeping me alive when I wanted to be six feet under.

Fuck you for leaving me.

Fuck your disinterest in me.

Fuck my interest in you. 

Fucking help me. I am fucking drowning. I feel the fucking water fill my lungs. My arms are fucking tired and I never could fucking swim well.

Please tell your ghost to stop fucking with my brain.

You never cared much for my mental health anyways.

I'm fucked.

Just fuck you.