This Is Me Trying

(Building on a story i’m working on, parts of which are on this site lol, enjoying developing these characters, quite short but hope you like)

Jack walked into the kitchen one December morning, the atmosphere even colder than the air outside. Taylor sat at the table sipping her coffee: “Hi” Jack mumbled: “Hi”. Taylor answered not looking up. Jack went over to the kettle to make himself some coffee too: “I used all the sugar by the way”. She told him matter of factly, still not looking at him. He nodded: “Ok, well… what can I have”? “Cereal”. He sighed: “Tay… y-you know I don’t really”- She looked up from her coffee sharply: “What”? “It’s your day off isn’t it”? “it’s not like you need the energy”. He swallowed: “You’re right, sorry”. “So you keep saying”. She mumbled, turning her attention back to her coffee. Without another word Jack grabbed a bowl and poured himself some cereal.

He sat across the table from Taylor and started eating, after minutes of tense silence he finally decided to try to break the ice: “How’s the coffee”? Taylor smirked at him: “Amazing, best coffee ever, i’m so happy I got to have it exactly the way I like”. She took a long slurp: “Mmmmmm”. Jack looked down and continued to eat his cereal. A few moments later he tried again: “Are you off today too or”..? She nodded. Jack gave her a small smile: “Do you remember last year when we were both off around this time”? “We were snowed in and had that huge snowball fight in the garden remember”? He gave a fond chuckle: “And talked about how we wanted to do better”… “Me you mean”? “No I mean both of us, what happened to us Tay”? “We used to be so happy and in love and now”… His voice trailed off, unsure of how to finish that sentence: “You’re the one who insists on ruining everything by hanging out with people who you know are trying to sabotage us”. “He’s not trying to sabotage us he’s just pushy that’s all, like Ellie is whenever she wants you guys to hang out, does that mean she’s trying to sabotage us”? Taylor at last looked at him properly: “But she doesn’t hate you does she”?!

“Charley has been against me since day one and you choosing to hang out with him all the time is insulting, especially when I slaved away for hours trying to organise a special evening for us”! He sighed: “He’s just worried about me that’s all”. “He needs to mind his own damn business”. She mumbled again, sipping on her coffee: “I-I didn’t know about the meal Tay… i-if you had called me then”- “It was supposed to be a surprise”. She spat back, glaring at him: “We could’ve had the lasagna today, you didn’t have to throw it at me”. She sighed, putting the cup down and reaching for his hand: “I know, i’m sorry… I am trying to work on my anger, but you don’t exactly help when you won’t spend more time with me like the therapist talked about, you’re the one who said we needed counselling remember”? “Imagine what he’d say if he knew everything”. He murmured. Taylor snatched her hand away: “Is that what you want”?! “Separation”?! “is that why you’ve been avoiding me”?! “No”! “No of course not”! “I’d never leave you… i-i couldn’t”! He took a few deep breaths, trying to compose himself: “I wasn’t trying to avoid you it’s just… it still feels like i’m walking on eggshells around you sometimes”. Taylor sighed, taking his hand again: “I’m sorry, I know I can be a lot sometimes, it’s just because I care so much about us, I don’t wanna lose you”. Jack stroked the back of Taylor’s hand with his thumb: “Baby it’s been 5 years, if I was gonna leave you don’t you think i’d have done it by now”? “I have never given you a reason not to trust me”.

“I guess it’s just hard to believe, especially given everything I went through with my dad”. He squeezed her hand: “I’m not him”. She gave him a soft smile: “I know, and i’m so glad to have you, but it doesn’t help when you let people like Charley get in your ear”. “i’m not, i’m still here aren’t i”? “You won’t be for much longer if he has his way”. Jack looked away: “Why is someone who thinks so little of your wife so important to you”? Jack looked back at her: “He’s my best friend”. “I’m supposed to be your best friend”! “Don’t you get it Jack”? “It takes two to make a marriage work, i’m trying to work on my temper and my insecurities but what are you working on”? He paused: “You’re right… i’m sorry… I have been trying, i’m sorry I ruined the surprise, Charley’s the only person that’ll even still speak to me these days, I just wanted a night out, I didn’t mean for it to feel like I was neglecting you”. Taylor squeezed his hand in return: “Thank you baby, I appreciate that, you know you can hang out with me, Ellie and Cody anytime they force me to go out with them right”? They both laughed: “If I had it my way, if they weren’t so insistent I wouldn’t hang around with them either”. She told him: “Would it help if the 5 of us hung out together”? “Or if i made him apologise”? She thought for a moment: “Maybe”. She sighed again: “Anyway, I don’t wanna talk about him right now, I love you and I really do want this to work”. He smiled at her: “Me too, i’ll do anything it takes”. “Even if it means ditching Charley”? He paused: “Let me talk to him first ok”? “Then if he won’t apologise”… He swallowed: “Then that’s what i’ll do”. She smiled: “Deal, now, kiss me”. He smiled back, leaned over and kissed her softly.