A Letter To Grace

My, how you've grown.

How are you doing?

The closest thing I can get to seeing you

Are the pictures your mom post.

And since I can no longer watch from the stands,

It's the only way to cheer for you. I'm proud of you.

I know your mom has told you I had forgotten about you.

Truth is, I think about you both everyday.

At my dismay, I'm the villain in you guys' story,

No cape to save the day.

I remember every laugh, every day we used to play.

You've replaced your Barbie house with a basketball.

Since we've last talked, I've lost important people;

My grandma and my dad to be exact.

I'll even throw your mom's name in the hat, even though she's still with us.

It feels like I'm breathing ether.

I know your mom put all the blame on me,

And if that is what it takes for her to be at peace, then I'll accept my fate.

I just thought that you should hear my side of things,

And let you make your own decisions on if you hate me.

Do you hate me? I hope not. By now, I'm surely forgotten.

When your mom and I met, I was young,

Maturity wasn't on my side yet.

I had this thing that I'd disappear when I felt like my presence was a detriment.

Turns out, leaving was very hurtful.

I was selfish, but what would you do?

In my mind, you had a dad, I was just a placeholder.

I could never replace what you and your real dad have.

I know it's dumb. And maybe I made you sad.

That's the last thing I'd ever want, maybe one day you can forgive me?

You and your mother both.

In my life, I spend it most days very conflicted.

Sometimes I hate myself.

Sometimes I feel like I can be a hero to the masses.

Sometimes I skip classes, other times I ace tests.

For sure, I thank God at least if I don't have a word to say.

There is never a way I could repay either of you for inviting me into your home,

And then throwing it all away.

I hope that you and your dad are in a good space.

He means well, but honestly I never knew what it meant to him

Until I was in his place.

I promise, not all men are idiots like us.

We love you, sometimes getting that message across is as tough as love.

But if I never see or hear from you or your mom again,

Thank you, and I love you.

Until we meet again.