Monday

I've never really liked someone

But he's different

I don't know why

He's cute i suppose

He acts like a big silly goof

like a golden retriever

He doesn't get all my jokes

but he tries

I wonder why

I hated him

I would pray he would quit our extracurricular activity

I had to see him

twice a week for two months

and lord i hated him

he just rubbed me the wrong way

and then i just

didn't

by then everything had calmed down

we went back to him going once a week: Monday

me going twice

different days though

and i was so relieved

until one day i took a monday

i dont know why

i probably just had to miss my day

but i didnt hate him anymore

his jokes didnt make me want to go deaf

his mockery turned funny

and then slowly i realized

i like this boy

I dont know when it clicked

maybe when he finally cut his hair

maybe when I sent him that first text

it was stupid and a chore to text

but slowly it became more natural

texting all day everyday

we had an event

he was the mascot

got heatstroke

cried that he wanted to leave

and when I went to check on him

it hit me

i didn't want him to leave

not just because i didn't want to wear the costume

and i couldnt piece together why

im realizing i like him and im

crush'd

i dont know what to do

i added mondays to see him more

reread our texts after he goes to sleep

he told me he would start taking tuesdays

my day

he said it was for the extra class

but he's had a full year

and's told me he hates that class

so why would he change

i screenshot our conversations to send to my friends

they dont know him

and id like to keep it that way

and everytime i go

i dont like him

my phone goes off

and my heart flutters

i dont know why

nothing could ever come of this

and im stuck

not subtle

but horribly stuck

he steals my slang

remembers more than i thought he would

stares then looks away real fast

tells me about his friends

brushes the surface of his life

i know he cant swallow pills

he knows i cant whistle

i dont think he likes me

its confusing

and i dont know if he treats me differently than anyone else

i guess he wont know until i get over this

ughhhh

liking people sucks

its supposed to be fun

youre excited

you text all your friends

you feel like your on cloud nine

or so I've been told

but this is just constant yoyo-ing

do i hate him

do i like him

because i think i do but its weird to say out loud

i feel like im supposed to be more nervous

but im not

i give up

i just count down the days until monday