I’ll forgive you

I’d always liked her stubbornness, but I think I liked it a little less when she managed to drag a friendship out of the ashes of our short lived romance. She talked a big talk about mutual friends and not wanting me to change for her, but she never stopped talking. And I never stopped listening. Two years later, I was still stuck in her orbit. I couldn’t forgive myself if I didn’t try again. I don’t think I would have forgiven her if she had said yes. I needed the closure, the reminder of why the answer needed to be no. I dropped a love letter on the table as I left, apologies still on my lips. She had watched me walk in knowing what I was going to say, knew her answer would be no. She let me say it anyway, too nice to send me away, too desperate to keep our friendship. I knew she wouldn’t take the risk to try again, would give me the rejection I wanted. But it still hurt to walk out the door.