Sorry in advance lol

Going on ao3 and looking at the other White Lotus fanfics was a mistake. I shouldn’t have but I’ve been devoid of inspiration and thought maybe other people’s work might inspire me but they didn;t they just make me feel like shit because I don’t want my brother carnally I don’t want to kiss him I don’t want to be this disgusting freak who can’t even be presented in a show where one character is obviously a sexual predator because he’s hot so everyone loves to pretend his siblings would want him back. That’s not how incest works, that;s not how it works that’s just how people like to pretend because it’s fiction; nothing like that ever happens in real life. I’ve been avoiding my brother for months now but nothing like that ever happens in real life. It’s not something we’re allowed to talk about so I thought maybe I could write about it but what;s the point when people will just bookmark my fic alongside multiple smut fics what’s the point if no one will understand? Nobody should understand; I don’t want to be understood. It’s good that incest is seen as so obviously fictional people can write about siblings like they’re romantic comedy leads. That’s a positive, a net benefit to the world unlike me. All I do is complain at ChatGPT about my brother and how scared of him I am and how I hate myself for it. There’s six minutes left of the timer. I don’t know what to write without writing too much or incoherent blabber like I don’t want this I don’t want this I don’t want him I don’t want to be this scared all of the time I don’t want to be supporting a goddamn AI but nobody else would want to hear about this shit it’s disgusting I’m disgusting and I have four minutes left on the timer. I had three chocolate chip toaster waffles for breakfast I’m probably going to have leftover tortellini for lunch and then buy overpriced chocolate on my way to work like I can eat my feelings out of me like if I consume enough garbage maybe the fear will be excreted alongside it idk why I’m writing this I don’t know why I’m going to fucking post it when I looked at the other entries and they don’t seem to actually be stream of consciousness. Two minutes left and I didn’t even break this into paragraphs nobody should read this but people will and then I’ll get prose emails informing me someone liked it and then I’ll probably regret life entirely. I could theoretically set another timer and try again not sharing too much about my disgusting life but time’s up