Meaning(lessness)

My mom's dad

hasn't ever told her,

"I love you,"

to the best of

her recollection.

He was going

to be a pilot

but couldn't

due to color blindness,

so instead became

a Computer Science

PhD and inspired

Paul Allen.

His wife grew up

on a farm in

North Dakota,

one of 10 siblings.

She is as loving

and personable

as he is intellectual

and scientific.

My dad's dad suffers

from Alzheimer's.

I saw him several hours ago;

he's in a wheel chair

and cannot eat or speak

properly now.

Prior to 1996,

he and his wife

enjoyed a blessed life

together, retired and savoring

the miracle company

of grandchildren from

both their sons.

But then she died

of cancer in 1998,

and several years later,

his brain began deteriorating.

My mom has

the heart of a saint

and the soul of an artist.

After getting recommended

by Julia Child

for cooking school in Paris,

she dedicated nearly 25 years

thereafter to being

a world-class mom.

She maintains a

world-class blog

called A Year At The Table

for seasonal dinner recipes.

My dad has

the drive of a warrior

and the mind of an entrepreneur.

He worked for Bill Gates

in high school,

then quit to focus

on his own business,

which first manifested

as a restaurant he owned

and ran at the ripe age of 21

thereupon to sell

the most beer

of any venue

in Washington state.

He pivoted from being

a restaranteur

to being a landlord.

I have shared words

with President Clinton,

Ken Wilber,

and Deepak Chopra

and have worked

for myself

25 of the past 32

months since graduating college.

And yet none

of this means anything,

ultimately.

Even if karma is real,

and I deserve

all this fortune

and misfortune

throughout this soul's story,

none of it

is worthy of pride,

just humility.

Just appreciation.

Pure gratitude

from pure acknowledgement

of intangibility,

happening,

"luck."

And even the

fruits of such or any

luck

mean nothing,

in the grand scheme of things,

the realization

of which

induces an infinite

and ecstatic

sense of freedom

- release -

and subsequent love.

In the words of

Marcus Aurelius:

“Or is it your reputation

that's bothering you?

But look at how soon

we're all forgotten.

The abyss of endless time

that swallows it all.

The emptiness of

those applauding hands.

The people who praise us;

how capricious they are,

how arbitrary.

And the tiny region

it takes place.

The whole earth

a point in space -

and most of it

uninhabited.”