there is no feeling in the world comparable to grief.

grief is secure, like fire to the carpet

a reflection of green from the moon through the stained glass

reminds me there is life outside of pain

but I am locked inside and the key is lost

somewhere in the flames

I don’t search for it; there is comfort in knowing

my love was strong and real.

the day was dark and the night burned

the wind spread fire and the sun cried

the clouds were the ghosts of dying stars

that would scream before they died.

the rain was hot and scorched the earth

but her core was frozen, icy, solid

the ghostly steam would sing a song

a reminiscent cacophony, a ballad

how uncomfortable it must be

to exist in such catastrophe

each star contained a memory

each day, farther from reality

I feel your warmth.

You belong next to me.

My words are tears.

I never want to forget

your voice, innocent,

not realizing how

fragile it was.

I will reach for your long arms

for eternity, yearning

to feel your warmth again.

what is this, tied to my back

I cannot see it yet

I fall with every step

it drains and leads

and drags and fills

my irritable bones

I start to see a crack forming

at the base of my neck

traveling around, up and down

it holds me together briefly before

I crumble and is shocked

when it no longer had a host

left behind, a puddle of fear

a basin of shame, a raging river

of hatred whose sound drowned out

whatever love had been left behind.

omnipotent,

a trance

time is

home-made,

messy

from the

inside

I

make-up-universes

bound by

thought

I think I'm in

a trance

furthest from time

totality, I engulf

myself

infinitely

time is

a trance,

omnipotent

the comfort I had no longer fits

every iteration of myself exhausted

these days I am squirming and

yelling out to my former self,

punishing them for not sooner realizing

how wrong it felt to exist

the mask will crumble and reform

fit for a new face when I forget

it covers every orifice and

suffocates my hatred

a new flame brews behind my eyes

but only burns them, for I

can’t seem to contain the malice

outward completely.

the comfort I had is gone

every iteration of myself has given up.

in faint, flashing lights

trouble seems afar

as the shade grows, we too

grow in comfort

yet as the lights agitate

and expand, it is clear

our worries are inevitable.

the shorter the string,

the less recoil from the blade

but the lights never seem to disappear

the waves wrapped around me like fingers

the ones that always pointed out something new

caressing nature in a wave of sound

overwhelming to soft ears

the leaves flutter with the pulse

coming from the slow earth

I want to move with you, earth

for you are full, and I empty

your textures created me

your height inspired me

your depth gave me a place to exist

your detail too immaculate to comprehend

you are the god with no face

emitting baffling complexity

for how long can I sit here in awe?

when I close my eyes

you smile at me

you tell me the things I need to hear

you caress my shoulder with the lightest touch

and kiss me on the forehead

with the most careful intention

when I close my eyes

my face is in your hands

your essence so close to me

I never could lose your smell

so I take a deeper breath

when I close my eyes

you see me for who I am

and you don't look away

you stare through me with gracious eyes

in this euphoria

how could I ever open them again?