19/03/17
Sunday 19th March 1.34pm
This is it. Today's the day. I'm am finally going to buy a new phone, and get rid of the piece of shit that I currently own. My whole family has decided to come, first I'm going to buy the phone from Apple using mostly my money, then down to Optus so I can get a new plan, then home. My grandma is paying for the rest of my phone and I'll pay her back over time, but she's said something and now my Mum is angry, get this will be sooo much fun!
Once we get there I can tell my mum is in a crap mood, and every time i try to walk with her she tells me to go away and walk out the front. I get to Apple and tell the lady what I want, but my mum keeps interrupting. I cant get annoyed or say anything though because she'll call the whole thing off.
An hour or two later I finally have my phone, now down to Optus. I zone out for the entire time we are at Optus because they don't need me for anything, apparently we have to do everything online at home.
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As soon as I get home I sit down and start to set up my phone. I get most of the way and it asks for my SIM card. I open my old phone, remove the card and go to put it in my new phone. But, it's too big. I need a smaller card.
"Mum my SIM card won't fit and it won't let me do anything." I say
"Well you can't use your phone then" She snaps back. Why is she being such a bitch to me? I did nothing.
"Can we please go and get one?"
"No just deal with it" She snaps back - again. That's it, I'm done with her constant bullshit.
I grab both phones and the box for my new one and walk to my room. I'm not putting up with her shit anymore.
Once I'm back in my room I put my SIM card back into my old phone and text my best friend, updating her on the situation. All I get from her is I don't know what I can do sorry and Be grateful not all of us can get one because not all of us have the money.
Well thanks a lot but,
1. I don't even have the money, and
2. I was looking for some comfort, but all you've done is make me feel like a bitch.
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My Mum walks in and 'apologises', she kinda failed though considering that she didn't even say sorry. Then she yells at me and tells me how no one cares about her and how everything is her fault and how she's "this close to doing something really stupid" and just keeps screaming at me and crying, all because I asked her when I could get a SIM card so I could actually use my phone.
I'm so sick of all her constant bullshit like "You can't get a job because it's too inconvenient" and then when I ask to buy something the response is "Get a job and pay for it yourself" or her constant rants about how my attitude has changed, when all I wanna say is "It's what happens when your family neglects you, when the only time they talk to you is to tell you how much of a bitch you are and how much you're failing at life and school. It's what happens when you feel like everyone in the world hates you and there's nothing good left, nothing to live for. It's what happens when your friends turn on you and you feel like no one understands you. What happens when the only times your "friends" talk to you is when they say "Don't do that" or "You should eat something" because they don't understand how you're feeling, what your going through, and why you're starving yourself. It's what happens when your Mum is too dumb to notice that there's something wrong with you and to get you the help you need. When you get to training at 6.30am twice a week (and it's an hour away from your house) and all your coach does is pay attention to the people that are good. You do the same thing over and over trying to get better each time, but she doesn't even watch you. You eventually run out of energy, and she criticises you for not doing well enough or being as good as the other that have done 3 different thing in the time you're doing one. It's what happens when you've given up on the constant acting and pretending your fine. It's called my life, and you don't have to be such a bitch about it". But unfortunately I can't say that, because that would be showing weakness and letting her win.
I could never do that.
Addison’s Diary
Friday 10th March 10.32am
My phone starts to buzz in my hand, I check the caller ID and it is exactly who I expect it to be, Rachael. I miss her so much. I slide the answer on my shitty iPhone 4S, while standing up and walking away from my friendship group, standing outside the toilets.
"Hey, how are you? How's it going?" I ask, excited to be able to talk to one of my best friends since the last time we spoke about 2 weeks ago.
"Addison, it's not good." She replies quietly, and without even listening to the words she says, I know something is wrong. I need some more privacy. I walk outside and start pacing up and down the path. "Hey, what's happened? Are you okay?" I ask, getting more concerned by the second.
"Um, so one of the girls in my unit, she got discharged, and she got out and, well she, um, she killed herself."
I stop pacing and freeze. I can't talk, I can't move, I just stand there, shocked. Then the flashbacks start, I remember Martin, his funeral that I didn't get to go to, the countless police uniforms, the sadness in Spencer's eyes. It all comes back to me and I feel everything come crashing back down.
"Shit" is all I manage to say, running a hand through my hair. The line stays silent, I know I need to say something and that I'm the worst friend ever, but I just can't.
"Are you okay?" I ask, already knowing the answer.
"Honestly, no." I knew she was going to say that, I just knew it, but it doesn't help me knowing, it hurts. Knowing that your friend is not okay and that there's nothing you can do to help and no way you can get to them.
"Well, I'm here for you, you can talk to me anytime, about anything not just this, okay? I'm here." I say, trying to be supportive, but failing, she's probably heard this at least 500 times already today.
"Thanks Addi, it means a lot. Look, I've got to go now, but I probably won't be back at school for a few weeks."
"Yeah, yeah, that's fine, totally understandable, take all the time you need. I'm here for you, we all are. Text me, okay?"
"Yeah of course, bye, love you"
"Love you too" I say before hanging up. I walk back into my year level centre and sit down, shocked. So many thoughts going through my mind. So many feelings.
Addison’s Diary
Friday 10th March 10.32am
My phone starts to buzz in my hand, I check the caller ID and it is exactly who I expect it to be, Rachael. I miss her so much. I slide the answer on my shitty iPhone 4S, while standing up and walking away from my friendship group, standing outside the toilets.
"Hey, how are you? How's it going?" I ask, excited to be able to talk to one of my best friends since the last time we spoke about 2 weeks ago.
"Addison, it's not good." She replies quietly, and without even listening to the words she says, I know something is wrong. I need some more privacy. I walk outside and start pacing up and down the path. "Hey, what's happened? Are you okay?" I ask, getting more concerned by the second.
"Um, so one of the girls in my unit, she got discharged, and she got out and, well she, um, she killed herself."
I stop pacing and freeze. I can't talk, I can't move, I just stand there, shocked. Then the flashbacks start, I remember Martin, his funeral that I didn't get to go to, the countless police uniforms, the sadness in Spencer's eyes. It all comes back to me and I feel everything come crashing back down.
"Shit" is all I manage to say, running a hand through my hair. The line stays silent, I know I need to say something and that I'm the worst friend ever, but I just can't.
"Are you okay?" I ask, already knowing the answer.
"Honestly, no." I knew she was going to say that, I just knew it, but it doesn't help me knowing, it hurts. Knowing that your friend is not okay and that there's nothing you can do to help and no way you can get to them.
"Well, I'm here for you, you can talk to me anytime, about anything not just this, okay? I'm here." I say, trying to be supportive, but failing, she's probably heard this at least 500 times already today.
"Thanks Addi, it means a lot. Look, I've got to go now, but I probably won't be back at school for a few weeks."
"Yeah, yeah, that's fine, totally understandable, take all the time you need. I'm here for you, we all are. Text me, okay?"
"Yeah of course, bye, love you"
"Love you too" I say before hanging up. I walk back into my year level centre and sit down, shocked. So many thoughts going through my mind. So many feelings.
10/03/17
Friday 10th March 10.32am
My phone starts to buzz in my hand, I check the caller ID and it is exactly who I expect it to be, Rachael. I miss her so much. I slide the answer on my shitty iPhone 4S, while standing up and walking away from my friendship group, standing outside the toilets.
“Hey, how are you? How’s it going?” I ask, excited to be able to talk to one of my best friends since the last time we spoke about 2 weeks ago.
“Addison, it’s not good.” She replies quietly, and without even listening to the words she says, I know something is wrong. I need some more privacy. I walk outside and start pacing up and down the path. “Hey, what’s happened? Are you okay?” I ask, getting more concerned by the second.
“Um, so one of the girls in my unit, she got discharged, and she got out and, well she, um, she killed herself.”
I stop pacing and freeze. I can’t talk, I can’t move, I just stand there, shocked. Then the flashbacks start, I remember Martin, his funeral that I didn’t get to go to, the countless police uniforms, the sadness in Spencer’s eyes. It all comes back to me and I feel everything come crashing back down.
“Shit” is all I manage to say, running a hand through my hair. The line stays silent, I know I need to say something and that I’m the worst friend ever, but I just can’t.
“Are you okay?” I ask, already knowing the answer.
“Honestly, no.” I knew she was going to say that, I just knew it, but it doesn't help me knowing, it hurts. Knowing that your friend is not okay and that there’s nothing you can do to help and no way you can get to them.
“Well, I’m here for you, you can talk to me anytime, about anything not just this, okay? I’m here.” I say, trying to be supportive, but failing, she’s probably heard this at least 500 times already today.
“Thanks Addi, it means a lot. Look, I’ve got to go now, but I probably won’t be back at school for a few weeks.”
“Yeah, yeah, that’s fine, totally understandable, take all the time you need. I’m here for you, we all are. Text me, okay?”
“Yeah of course, bye, love you”
“Love you too” I say before hanging up. I walk back into my year level centre and sit down, shocked. So many thoughts going through my mind. So many feelings.
A/N:
Addison is played by India Eisley - http://i.imgur.com/jBF2pPF.jpg