After three years of crushing on this guy, I find out that he was crushing on me too.
Could it be requited now?
I wrote the piece in the picture in June of 2020. I know it’s a risk to document this, for if/when heartbreak comes this post will be hard to look back on. But I’ve chosen the risk of getting my heart broken, so I may as well risk this.
For three years, with some gaps in between, I’ve had a crush on him. Three years of pining, of wondering whether or not he likes me or is interested in me.
In August of this year, I met him for coffee. Asked him out myself. It wasn’t romantic or dreamy or anything, and it was nice but boring. There was a lot of quiet moments. Both of us were uncomfortable. Probably. I know I was I literally had no idea what to expect. I hoped it was just an off day for the both of us.
There was no progression for a few weeks. I got Covid in September which makes it hard to ask people out socially, and I was hoping he would ask me to do something next. I prefer the traditional way, guy asks the girl, but modern problems (I want to see him again and he’s not asking me) require modern solutions (I ask him if he’s interested in doing something together again).
So October rolled around and we made plans to take a walk in the park. The day of choice was cold and windy and it rained lightly a few times, even had some hail, but it was so nice to spend time with him. It wasn’t as cold as I thought it would be and we walked at least three miles. Spent a couple hours together. He seemed more comfortable around me this time, and I would say the same about myself.
He picked me up and when we’re on the way to my house, he asked me if I liked scary movies —I don’t, not anymore— but he asked because he wanted to see one with me. Then the day after I was planning to message him after work or something to tell him I had a nice time, but he messaged me asking about going out for Mexican food next week. The plans are tentative at the moment, but we’ll see if it’s possible.
I think it’s possible he might like me which is wild to think about. It’s wild that I get to spend time with him at all.
Wednesday Can’t Come Soon Enough
On a whim I took a risk
and asked him out to coffee,
casual like that.
"Yeah that sounds nice" with a smiley face emoji was his response.
I felt like Plankton when he was like, "I don't know, I never thought I'd get this far."
I offered my days off,
hoping one of them would work for him,
one did, and we settled on a place and time.
"Alrighty, looking forward to it" was his reply when I said I'd see him Wednesday.
Wednesday can't come soon enough.
If I'm honest, I'd have nothing or close to it. I don't remember thanking God for anything yesterday. Maybe it would have changed some things about the day if I had.
can my crush please crush my heart already?
I want the fantasy I built up of you to be crushed. I no longer want to view you with rose colored glasses but with reality. The cracks in the fantasy ache in my heart. Please give me the release of all of the pain, let me see you more accurately. Let my unguarded heart be laid bare and let it break so I can create a new shell, tougher than the last one.
If it's possible, let the fantasy be crushed so I can like who you really are, not who I made you to be in my head.
kitten, a poem
it's kitten season
i really want a kitten
i cannot have a kitten
i am sad i am not surrounded by kittens
that is all
Thank you to everyone who read and commented on this piece. It’s my second win on here iirc. :)
Brown Eyed Boy
People joke that brown eyes are full of poop. Blue and green are placed on a pedestal, and I too, was guilty of this.
Blue eyes are beautiful like ocean water, like the sky. Green eyes like grass.
But have you ever seen brown eyes get hit with sunlight? A beautiful shade of amber, of honey, of flecks of gold.
Absolutely beautiful on his face speckled with freckles. His face has always been my favorite part of his appearance, and I hope that maybe, just maybe, I’ll get the chance to see him again.
A Dilemma (that does not apply to everyone, but to the majority, I think)
Humanity: *wants to die*
Also humanity: *scared of death and what comes after*
To a long-time crush
I wonder if it would amuse you at all that people are willing to quit all because you quit. I would quit myself, but I will hold out a few more months. I have some days I want to take off and I know my current job is good about letting me have them. You were the only thing that made me look forward to coming into work.
I will miss you. You have always been good at making an impact on people, myself included.
A part of me wants you to not come back so I can confess my feelings to you on a later day. I would accept the rejection in exchange for closure. I will see where I am in a few weeks, because maybe it’s just proximity that makes the heart grow fonder. Maybe it’s just that you were the only attractive guy I interacted with on a semi-regular basis.