tsuyoku
I get lost often, but I always find my way back to words
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Written by tsuyoku

Mystery

I wonder what 

the pain was like 

when you hit 

the ground.

Was there doubt

on your mind

or regret?

My heart beats

and it hurts

to think of you.

I know there was

nothing I could do,

but I still hope

for a reason

to hold onto.

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Juice
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Written by tsuyoku
Mystery
I wonder what 
the pain was like 
when you hit 
the ground.
Was there doubt
on your mind
or regret?
My heart beats
and it hurts
to think of you.
I know there was
nothing I could do,
but I still hope
for a reason
to hold onto.
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0
0
Juice
12 reads
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Prose Challenge of the Week #33: Write a piece about your deepest secrets. Poetry or Prose. The winner will be chosen based on a number of criteria, this includes: fire, form, and creative edge. Number of reads, bookmarks, and shares will also be taken into consideration. The winner will receive $100. When sharing to Twitter, please use the hashtag #ProseChallenge
Written by tsuyoku

It's always been me anyway

To others I call it a nightmare out loud, but it's more of a daydream. People skirt around the issue when one of us gets hurt, they don't say the words I read in their eyes, "What would happen if she dies? What would you do?" She and I came to the world together, but as the saying goes, we will die alone. Who will go first? The people-pleaser in me seems self-sacrificing, but true-me, real-me, genuine-me, they all give her up for the taking. If I die first she'll mess it up. She'll wear my existence like a cloak and feed from it. If it were me, I'd make it as if she never was. If she died first, people would remember her as past.

It wouldn't be hard, she has never been well-liked anyway and she liked to blame it on me as if I weren't working my ass off to be likable. She resented my hard work and called it hypocritical. She prides herself in being 'her', but hates me for being the favorite. If I died first she would inherit all the love others feel for me and she hasn't earned it. She doesn't deserve it. If she died, I would inherit expectations of carrying on and boy, would I carry on.

I used to feel I needed forgiveness for this, but I don't care for redemption anymore.

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Juice
23 reads
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Juice
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Prose Challenge of the Week #33: Write a piece about your deepest secrets. Poetry or Prose. The winner will be chosen based on a number of criteria, this includes: fire, form, and creative edge. Number of reads, bookmarks, and shares will also be taken into consideration. The winner will receive $100. When sharing to Twitter, please use the hashtag #ProseChallenge
Written by tsuyoku
It's always been me anyway
To others I call it a nightmare out loud, but it's more of a daydream. People skirt around the issue when one of us gets hurt, they don't say the words I read in their eyes, "What would happen if she dies? What would you do?" She and I came to the world together, but as the saying goes, we will die alone. Who will go first? The people-pleaser in me seems self-sacrificing, but true-me, real-me, genuine-me, they all give her up for the taking. If I die first she'll mess it up. She'll wear my existence like a cloak and feed from it. If it were me, I'd make it as if she never was. If she died first, people would remember her as past.

It wouldn't be hard, she has never been well-liked anyway and she liked to blame it on me as if I weren't working my ass off to be likable. She resented my hard work and called it hypocritical. She prides herself in being 'her', but hates me for being the favorite. If I died first she would inherit all the love others feel for me and she hasn't earned it. She doesn't deserve it. If she died, I would inherit expectations of carrying on and boy, would I carry on.

I used to feel I needed forgiveness for this, but I don't care for redemption anymore.
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Juice
23 reads
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Written by tsuyoku

002

One of the very first things we both mentioned were the e-mails, you saying that you had been re-reading them, me mourning their absence from my life and my lack of memory. I asked if you could send them over tremulously, as if I didn't have the right to request that, but you seemed overjoyed to do it. It's amazing how 10 years change people. I see myself in every one of your words and shake my head at the naive blind optimism of past-me. Funny how even now you wish you could feel and think like I did back then. You still think that's the way to go, hopefully encouraging everyone in their pursuits, regardless of how painful failure will be. I cannot say if I wish I still were like that, but I can tell that I'm a little proud of your admiration, even if I'm underserving of it nowadays. 

One thing I've realized and I'm reluctant to admit is how much he is like I was and how much I am to him like you were to me. Well, I'd want to see I'm a bit more mature, but that was one of your complaints back then too, how conceited I was about 'my superior maturity' when I was mostly just running away. I must say that at least we both can see that the other is happy even if we both hurt each other tremendously in the past (we both thought we did the other more wrong, but maybe it's not a matter of competition but of forgiveness). I must also say that I'm happy that you're in my life again and maybe this time there won't be a reason for you to go away or for me to push you.

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Juice
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Written by tsuyoku
002
One of the very first things we both mentioned were the e-mails, you saying that you had been re-reading them, me mourning their absence from my life and my lack of memory. I asked if you could send them over tremulously, as if I didn't have the right to request that, but you seemed overjoyed to do it. It's amazing how 10 years change people. I see myself in every one of your words and shake my head at the naive blind optimism of past-me. Funny how even now you wish you could feel and think like I did back then. You still think that's the way to go, hopefully encouraging everyone in their pursuits, regardless of how painful failure will be. I cannot say if I wish I still were like that, but I can tell that I'm a little proud of your admiration, even if I'm underserving of it nowadays. 

One thing I've realized and I'm reluctant to admit is how much he is like I was and how much I am to him like you were to me. Well, I'd want to see I'm a bit more mature, but that was one of your complaints back then too, how conceited I was about 'my superior maturity' when I was mostly just running away. I must say that at least we both can see that the other is happy even if we both hurt each other tremendously in the past (we both thought we did the other more wrong, but maybe it's not a matter of competition but of forgiveness). I must also say that I'm happy that you're in my life again and maybe this time there won't be a reason for you to go away or for me to push you.
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Juice
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Written by tsuyoku

001

When I woke up this morning I didn't expect how this day was going to end. I went about doing my usual things, checking the websites I frequent and thinking about breakfast and listening to music on YouTube even though I own the albums. The notification took me by surprise, but seeing your name straight out shocked me. I was dumbfounded. Never in a million years did I think I would talk to you again and even less did I think you'd be the one contacting me, it was something out of both dreams and nightmares. What was up? Why were you contacting me almost 10 years later? Was it your therapist asking you to confront your past? I was giddy with excitement and dizzy with dread. Your first words in the chat when we finally texted were so unexpected! You were genuinely happy about talking to me. TO ME. I was floored, relieved, even hopeful.

Now we talk every day again. Little snippets of our daily lives that we file away in our brain to keep along with collages of old faded memories. You asked me if I still write and told me about your writing. I don't write, but I wish I could. I shut myself down, scared and bitter when words don't come out the way I want. I can't even journal right. I can't even e-mail right. What is right, you would ask and I wouldn't be able to explain, but it's never right. I still make an effort this time around just because it's you and I need to. There was so much left unsaid and there probably will be this time around too. I feel myself skirting around the real issue, the past, our unwavering love and my broken promise, but you mention our friendship, not what came after. I'm not sure how to take that, but there's also him in my life to think of. There's no need to decide now and I won't, but I wish you could see these words and understand.

For now it's okay just to talk and we'll see where time will take us.

0
0
0
Juice
13 reads
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Juice
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Written by tsuyoku
001
When I woke up this morning I didn't expect how this day was going to end. I went about doing my usual things, checking the websites I frequent and thinking about breakfast and listening to music on YouTube even though I own the albums. The notification took me by surprise, but seeing your name straight out shocked me. I was dumbfounded. Never in a million years did I think I would talk to you again and even less did I think you'd be the one contacting me, it was something out of both dreams and nightmares. What was up? Why were you contacting me almost 10 years later? Was it your therapist asking you to confront your past? I was giddy with excitement and dizzy with dread. Your first words in the chat when we finally texted were so unexpected! You were genuinely happy about talking to me. TO ME. I was floored, relieved, even hopeful.

Now we talk every day again. Little snippets of our daily lives that we file away in our brain to keep along with collages of old faded memories. You asked me if I still write and told me about your writing. I don't write, but I wish I could. I shut myself down, scared and bitter when words don't come out the way I want. I can't even journal right. I can't even e-mail right. What is right, you would ask and I wouldn't be able to explain, but it's never right. I still make an effort this time around just because it's you and I need to. There was so much left unsaid and there probably will be this time around too. I feel myself skirting around the real issue, the past, our unwavering love and my broken promise, but you mention our friendship, not what came after. I'm not sure how to take that, but there's also him in my life to think of. There's no need to decide now and I won't, but I wish you could see these words and understand.

For now it's okay just to talk and we'll see where time will take us.
0
0
0
Juice
13 reads
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