Hi!

Hello.

My name is

My name is

(insert real name here)

Eva.

Introduce ourselves?

Well, we live in a little surburban town.

I don’t really live .... outside like that.

Shush. I don’t need internal commentary.

.........

Um, I-

We. We are one person.

No, we’re not.

Well.........I suppose not.

We have a dog and a brother.

He’s not my brother.

Well you live inside here, deal with it. Stop interrupting me.

..........

Sorry.

That’s alright.

What do I enjoy?

What do I enjoy?

Well, I am an artist, I sing, dance, act, paint...

I don’t. I prefer numbers. Strict, solid, single-answer numbers.

I am creative.

What you are is abnormal.

I would like to think that I am confident-

Lies. Confidence is lying to yourself. It’s saying that you’re better than what you actually are. It’s deluding yourself so you feel-

Shut up.

I-

No one asked your opinion.

I was-

No.

..........I’m sorry if I upset you.

..........

See, I don’t understand you.

What?

These.... feelings? I was trying to protect you.

I don’t need protection.

Well, what do you call “seven panic attacks per week”?

I- that was one time.

Well, no matter what, I’ll always be here to take over.

“Take over” sounds a little harsh.

....Shield you.

Better.

I’ll be here.

If I need you.

If you need me.

Hi!

Hello.

My name is

My name is

(insert real name here)

Eva.

That’s a hard question.

To tell the truth, I don’t know.

One day, I might be dreaming about that person,

The next, I could be thinking about the end of the world.

My mind goes everywhere.

It travels the world without leaving its corner.

Some days, I’ll be thinking about life and morality,

Others, I’ll be thinking about unicorns and ice cream.

.....

It’s complicated.

“Hey, what are you thinking about?”

I never have answers to these questions.

I usually turn to them, smile, and change the subject, or say “Oh, nothing. I was just (spacing out, zoning out, tired, etc.).”

I (can’t, won’t) answer, because I don’t know.

All I know is that my mind goes somewhere where it feels safe

Where I know that I’ll be safe

Even if the thoughts I have will never happen,

I know that at least I can still dream.

Starlight written on sheets of clouds

Loneliness means sitting alone at a library table surrounded by old pages covered with the dust of other people's homes

sun sets like buckets of blood splashed onto a blue canvas

and then speckled with the ashes of burnt books

breathe

breathe

breathe

b r e a t h e

b r e a t h e

in, out, in and out inandoutandinand ou t

you're okay, you're fine youre doing great

no go on ahead no its totally fine you dont need to wait

for me to pack up my books pack up my pens pack up my ninety two pencils

what if i lose One?

i lost it

oh dear

darling

dear

darling

i

i cant lose you

again

please dont go

please

i

i love y

i lov

i lo

i l

i'll be okay

maybe

well

maybe not

but that's okay too

an' ya know

kiddo

even stars hide sometimes

and kiddo

trust me

kiddo you're a star too

even though you might not be as

bright

but ya know there's always an end

right?

end

end

end

end

end

end

end

end

end

end

end

end

end

end

end

end

end

end

end

end

end

end

end

end

end

end

end

end

end

end

end

end

it

it wont

it wont stop

it wont end

how do i stop

how do i stop

stop stop stop

stop

stop

STOP

what do I do

tell me

please

help?

i

im

i'm lost

i'm scared

where am i

where are you?

where are you

did you

you left

didnt you

again

why

why

why

why

please

i

i

i

cant do this anymore

goodbye

ill see you later i guess okay bye i love

where are you?

wordletout n.

(word-let-out)

the act of dumping whatever words are in your brain onto a keyboard, notebook, or any form of recording device HIPPOPOTAMUS

SPAGHETTI

RAINBOW ICECREAM WITH CHOCOLATE SPRINKLES IN A SUGAR CONE

BATS

BASEBALL BATS THAT HANG UPSIDE DOWN WHEN THEY SLEEP

TELEPHONE WIRES GET CROSSED THEN THEY TANGLE UP AND THEN WHAT HAPPENS TO THE POLES?

SLEEP IS THE HUMAN WAY OF RUNNING OUT OF BATTERY AND SHUTTING DOWN

TAKING A NAP IS LIKE TEMPORARILY CLOSING YOUR COMPUTER

“hey, let’s play truth or dare”

"yeah let's"

"oh my goddddd nothing tooooo....weird"

"weird like what"

"you know what I meaaAaan"

"like" eye contact

"yeah"

shrugs

"okayyyyy but that makes it innnnnterestiiiing"

“hey you, truth or dare?”

turn, look, “me?”

“yeah, truth or dare?”

“Truth.”

“okayokayokayokay So. who do you liiiiiiiike?”

followed by the human equivalent of the ;)

“um”

“come onnnnnnnn, tell us!”

“we promise we won’t tell anyoneee”

“you trust me, don’t you?”

“Um, I-i really don’t like anyone-”

“No, you obviously like someone and aren’t telling us! Come on, we’re your best friends riiiiiight?” Obnoxious lean towards your face.

“No really-”

“Wow. So you just don’t trust us, right? Fine.”

“I-”

“Hey, truth or dare?”

“dare.”

“Haha, yay!”

“nothing .... weird, okaaaay?”

“Uh huh, nothing tooo weird” Silent giggles around the circle.

“I dare you... to ask out _______” (insert jock boy’s name here)

“Noooooooo! He’ll, like, hate me forever!”

“He toooootally likes you....”

“wait really?”

“Yeeeaaaahhh!”

“okay then. I’ll see him tomorrow in bio.”

assorted laughing.

then there’s the girl on her phone in the corner with her headphones plugged in and her music turned up so loud you can hear it from the other side of the room wonder what she’s listening to why is she even here god who invited her not me not me not me who’s friend is she why is she

here?

The human heart

Drums out a steady beat

Until one day

It

Please-

Just stop talking.

Please. Just for one minute

Two minutes

Three.

I just need to hear myself think

Stop talking

Just-

Stop, please.

I don't want to hear,

because

I can't hear myself.

I don't know if I'm screaming or

If it's just in my head.

I just want to hear myself think

I can't hear myself think

I don't want to hear myself think

I don't want to

I don't-

Don't make me

Please don't make me hear

Keep talking

I don't want to hear myself scream

I don't want anyone to hear me

Please

Don't let me hear myself

I scare myself

I scare

Myself

Please

Don't let me scream

Don't let me think

I don't want to know

What I'm thinking

I don't

I don't want

I don't want to

Please don't make me

Silence

Drowning me

Please

Please keep talking please please please

Don't talk

Let me hear myself

I can't breathe can't breathe can't breathe

Can't

I can't

I don't want to

I'm drowning going down down down

Down

Down

Down

down

Hey. Can anyone hear me?

How many miles?

How many rivers?

How many lakes, oceans, seas?

How many puddles and rainbows?

How many butterfly gardens and sunshine glancing off raindrops on a pane of glass?

How many thunderstorms, lighting storms, tornadoes, hurricanes?

How many miles?

How many tears can a human eye cry?

How many tears does it take for someone to drown?

How many times can someone shove it into a mental locker?

How many times before-

Before it all comes crashing down?

How many?

How many of us are there?

How many?

When will it all end?

If.

as in 'if only he had loved her',

and

if only I had reached her in time

if only before;

before.

If.

as in 'if I get an A on the next test, can I get a dog?'

and

if I wear makeup he'll notice me

if I stay quiet, they won't find me;

Hush.

If.

as in 'what if,'

and

what if they see me cry

what if I lose you;

I can't lose you too.

If.

as in what if this and what if that.

and

the singular source of hope

what if I survived

what if I kept going

but

what if one day

I stopped

breathing?

I love the way you smile.

I love the way you laugh without caring who sees or hears.

I love the way your nose scrunches up when you smile.

I love the way you mindlessly twirl your pencil when you're thinking.

I love every thing you do.

I love your hair, and the way the sun shines through it.

I love your eyes, and the way the sky reflects in them.

I love your hands, and the way they always seem to be graceful.

I love your lips, and the way you chew on them when you're busy thinking.

I love everything that I see about you.

I love your voice, how it is breathtaking one moment and the next as human as can be.

I love your laugh, how it is so carefree and innocent.

I love your footsteps, how it always seems like you're flying across the ground.

I love every little sound you make.

But most of all, I love how you

bleed red

just

like

all

the

others.